My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Lawyers, Netflix and Faking it. . Oh Shit.

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, children, civil unions, court, Crying, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, gay, gay marriage, grief, homosexuality, kisses, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, netfix, Netflix, news, parenting, Pears, portland oregon, promises, school, single, vows, women on April 9, 2011 at 6:28 am

It’s a little past 11pm as I start this. She’s been off work since 10pm. If she were here right now, we’d be sitting together browsing the movies on Netflix. I might be holding her hand, trying to cuddle into her or stealing glances at her longing for the looks she used to give me when she wanted me.

Saturday morning would find us sleeping in, well her sleeping in. I’d be faking it, just to have an excuse to be close to her. I can’t count the mornings I laid in bed just so I could be near her.

But, here I am. Laying on the couch, because I find it hard to climb into the empty bed. In fact, tonight my youngest
Little guy said to me over dinner “I don’t want you to have to sleep alone again.” . . . A very sad thing for a 7 year old to tell his Mom. It’s so obvious they want to see me happy, and it’s touching to be loved that much. But I also know he wishes it was with her.

This whole mess is starting to wear on the boys. In fact, my youngest little guy got into trouble for the very first time today. The referral states he was being difficult and disrespectful. For him to act out like that at school, means he is really having a tough time. He’s never had a day of trouble in school.

I convinced him we all have gotten into trouble one time or another, in school. That seemed to make him feel not so alone, but I know the deeper cause is not so easy to fix. At least the way he would want me to.

And there’s my second oldest at home, 10.. He asked me today if I could spend time with her, so she would remember to love and care. Totally sent me over the edge in tears. He’s angry that she has chosen the actions she has, but he loves her so much. I told him it was OK to still love her, because I do too.

So, I wrote her and asked who her attorney is. She didn’t answer me. But she did answer my attorney. Already they’re in the talks of proposal, and it seems this might be legally uncomplicated. Of course, we won’t have their answer to our drafted proposal until next week, but I get the feeling she just wants to do anything to rid of me.

I still can’t believe we were getting along on Monday, at least we weren’t fighting. In fact, she was sitting right here on this very couch next to me, and kissed me. And now here we are on Friday, and attorneys are discussing the dissolution of our marriage.

What the &#%*^?

It’s all happening quicker than I can process it.

I have to admit, today I wondered if after the divorce if she would be willing to try dating again. . ya know, me. Maybe without all the stressors of money, chores and a crazy household that maybe. . . just maybe. . . she and I could take the time to build the foundation we need. Of course, I don’t really think she would. I’m convinced she doesn’t miss me in the slightest. In fact, I often vision she’s out with her friends and I’m not crossing her mind at all.. . .

I try really hard not to imagine, but sometimes I think she’s probably out with some fascinating woman who is perfect in every way.

I try not to think about that too much, because it really, really hurts mass amounts.

Anyways, it’s almost midnight now. She’s probably talking about her workday and being busy forgetting me while doing all the things she’s convinced I kept her from.

I’m just gonna surf Netflix.

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