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My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Law Enforcement Family

In attorneys, Break-up, children, civil unions, court, Crying, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, gay, gay marriage, grief, homosexuality, kisses, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, parenting, portland oregon, promises, single, vows, women on April 10, 2011 at 2:29 am

My 7 year old is breaking my heart.

He asked if he could see her tonight. I td him no, but that I’m working on it. He then said “I wish we could go back, change the past so you didn’t have that fight.”

My heart breaks for the boys. They love her, they all miss her.

Lately, as the boys have settled and trusted her more, they’ve been treating her like a mom. Ya know, instead of the new shiny toy. They’ve been disobeying her, being typical children. But she would get overwhelmed, and when I would see it, I’d really try to calm her down. But she’d make mistakes, like all parents, and while I didn’t agree with some of her methods I really appreciated her work with the boys.

She often butt heads with the oldest, but he loves her like a mom. In fact, I gave the boys permission to call her mom. She was definitely working with the boys.

Sometimes, I admit I got jealous at how she so freely took care of them. She’d drop anything she was doing to help them out. In fact, she would for anyone. Sometimes, I got jealous of that. I wanted her to do that for me too.

There was a time recently she saw one of the women here in the apartments, walking to the bus stop to pick up her daughter in the rain. I thought that was really sweet, but at the same time it really pissed me off. How many times did I need her, and she just pushed me away? In fact, the day we fought this week, was because I was mad she had seen me trying to take over the laundry in the rain, and didn’t even offer to help. She walked ahead with her stuff and propped the door open for me, but just started working on her laundry. I, on the other hand, had a tote and a cart. I was taking both over in the rain, having to set one down while I moved the other, and so forth.

Her co/workers, same thing. They’d call her at midnight, and she’d drop everything to talk to them. She said she was obligated because and is “ESS” which means, if a co/worker had a problem, or needed to talk that she was available. I know she loved feeling needed, but I started to resent it when the phone rang. I wanted, no. . . I needed her to realize that I needed her too. Our relationship needed to grow. So, answering her work phone while we are spending time alone, sometimes in bed, needed to be the last thing she did. It was the last thing I, we, needed her to do.

I also started to resent her job. At first, I never minded she talked about work. It was customary she would call mr on the way home and tell me about her day. I would listen, ask questions, and genuinely care. But there were times that ESS really made me feel she was choosing work needs over ours. As I increasingly resented her work, the further she slipped into it. Leaving for work earlier, leaving later. She’s obsessed with her job. Which, I should point out, she is a Corrections Officer.

I didn’t want to resent her work, in fact it’s not her job I resented at all. . It’s the times she made me feel like it came first during those moments I really needed an hour alone with her.

I started out talking about the children, and ended up on her job. But I guess that’s because I see how one really impacts the other. The boys started treating her like mom, but I think she’s so used to strict order at work, it flipped her out.

But I never wanted her to not be herself, I just wanted her to see I needed her too. I wanted her.

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