My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – She’s Gone

In attorneys, Break-up, civil unions, court, Crying, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, gay, gay marriage, grief, homosexuality, kisses, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, parenting, portland oregon, promises, single, vows, women on April 10, 2011 at 6:02 am

I remember when I was a real young girl, my mother had a book on her shelf. In fact, I think most of us had mothers who had this book on their shelf. Well, if you were born in the 60s or 70s. . . Rod McKuen, Listen To The Warm.

I was around 10 when I first picked it up. I read my way through it and found one that seemed to leap at me. I read that poem so many times, that all these years later it’s still etched in my mind. Of course at the time, it made little real identifying sense, but right now it makes perfect sense.

Being a writer, I started writing a work about her, many times. But, life happened, feelings would be hurt and dynamics would change. Sometimes I’d start out comparing her to great works, others I could only say “You’re beautiful” none of it that actually made it to her ears. So, all I can post is the following:

Song without words

by Rod McKuen

I wanted to write you some words you’d remember
words so alert they’d leap from the paper
and crawl up your shoulder and lie by your ears
and be there to comfort you down through the years.
But it was cloudy that day and I was lazy
and so I stayed in bed just thinking about it.

I wanted to write you and tell you that maybe
love songs from lovers are unnecessary.
We are what we feel and writing it down.
seems foolish sometimes without vocal sound.
But I spent the day drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes
and looking in the mirror practicing my smile.

I wanted to write you one last, long love song
that said what I feel one final time.
Not comparing your eyes and mouth to the stars
but telling you only how like yourself you are.
But by the time I thought of it, found a pen,
put the pen to ink, the ink to paper,
you were gone.

And so, this song has no words.

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