My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Co/workers In This Corner, Spouse In The Next

In attorneys, Break-up, children, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, gay, gay marriage, grief, homosexuality, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, parenting, portland oregon, single, Uncategorized, women on April 11, 2011 at 12:13 am

Ya know, I’ve been thinking about some things.

A few times we got into arguments, and she would stop and call one of her friends. Like, literally. She would include them into our argument. I remember thinking it was so odd. Married couples don’t do that, do they?

She often talked about our problems with her friends. They’d offer their insight, and I could tell because she’d come home from work a little more detached from me.

The only problem with that is:

They never heard my side.

They are all co-workers.

And If I believe everything she told me about her co-workers, none of her friends are in healthy relationships themselves.

True, I would call my friends too. Granted, but never in the middle of an argument. I would also take advice with a grain of salt. Mostly, I just needed to talk through my emotion to reach my logic.

I often wondered if it was wise for her to seek advice from her co-workers. One thing about Corrections Officers is, they have a certain mindset. They work with inmates all day, and have a team mentality. It’s the COs against the inmates. Sometimes, I knew that team mentality was woven into the friendships she developed with her co-workers. They’re more than co-workers and friends. They’re family. And when she seeks advice from this sacred brotherhood of trust, It’s their word. And their word is always going to trump mine. I don’t blame her for that. After all, she trusts her life with these people on a daily basis, so it’s natural she’d trust them to give her insight and advice. But, that’s not healthy.. . it wasn’t healthy, for us.

The people who did see us outside of her job, the pastor we saw a couple of times and the marriage counselor, both said they could see we loved each other. But I don’t think she trusted them.

I think it’s impossible for her really to trust anyone outside of her job. I think she wants to, but often she would say things about me, to me, that she would say about inmates. Accusing me of “plotting” against her, hiding money, trying to confuse her, manipulation. . . the list goes on.

Her constant mistrust for anyone outside of work, really hurt. I would have given anything. . . in fact I had given a lot, for her.

I wouldn’t have grown in frustration with her job, if she had let me be a part of the trusted teammates in her life. I accepted a certain amount of work was gonna come home with her, but I wanted her to be present . . . with me. If even just one hour a day.

I think it started out she wanted to, I think she wants that. But I couldn’t have stood a chance very long. Sooner or later I was gonna screw up, make a mistake, and be cast to the team of the “untrustworthy”. I can’t, couldn’t, stand up on the pedestal she had her co/workers on.

It’s an untouchable brotherhood, where those who are capable of screwing up, can’t stand. Because if you screw up, it suddenly makes you capable of hurting her. If I hurt her, then suddenly its not safe love. Hurt is not an option.

But that’s not reality. I screw up, and so does she. The difference is, I was willing to keep letting her in and keep working it through all the pain and hurt. Because I believed in her, and us.

She, just threw me away to the pile of discards and untrustworthy.

I wish my love and loyalty could have been my redemption.

I wanted her to trust me more than anything. I wanted her to put the walls down, and stop adding bricks for every offense that separated me from her co/workers.

She was my wife, my family. And instead of us being a family tonight, I lay wondering if we’ll hear from her attorney tomorrow.

I miss the smell of her hair. I miss her touching mine.

  1. Another great post. Thanks for sharing this. Spending time with my family is something that truly makes me happy in life. I enjoy reading your blog very much.

    Fun Family Activity Ideas

    • I inadvertently hit publish before I was done responding 🙂 . . Spending time as a family is so important. Spending time with your spouse is so essential when you have a family. While I started writing to help me through the process, it makes me feel less alone knowing there’s people reading. Thank You for reading. .

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