My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Her Last Promise To Me

In attorneys, Break-up, children, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, gay, gay marriage, grief, homosexuality, law enforcement, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, news, parenting, portland oregon, promises, relationships, single, women on April 14, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Last night I glanced at the clock, to see when she’d be coming home. But I quickly tried to think of something else.

No go. I started thinking about who she’s with, what she’s doing, and I started getting that sinking feeling of hurt.

Knowing she wanted to leave as bad as she did, I can only imagine none of this has affected her even a drop of how it’s devastated me. I’ll admit, that hurts. It makes me feel like our whole marriage was a lie to her. That the last time we made love, was just sex to her.

The last time we made love, I cried. I missed her. She asked what was wrong, and I said “I just wish we could find our way.” She held me and promised we would. It was moving, and powerful and I love her.

That’s the last memory I have of her promises.

Two days later, she was back to finding a way to push me so far away, that I’d leave. So far away, that I’d have no choice.

This isn’t finding our way. It can’t be. Not when I feel like I’m wandering from day to day, just wanting to feel you
home. Not the woman who left, but the woman I knew that cared.

It’s time to start my day.

Here’s hoping I’ll find my way.

  1. Thinking about it makes it worse. Blocking it our makes it 10 times worse than thinking about it. I know how you feel.

    • I’m so sorry you do. I wish this on no one. Perhaps you’re right, I should just think about it and cleanse myself. But I’m so tired of the pain and grief I feel. I get caught in the whirlwind of the “If only. . ”

      Thank You for your comments Dakota. I really appreciate your insight.

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