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My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – She Stole My Confidence and Possibly My Umbrella

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, children, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, gay, gay marriage, grief, homosexuality, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, news, parenting, portland oregon, promises, relationships, single, Uncategorized, vows, women on April 15, 2011 at 5:43 pm

It’s been two weeks today, since she sat on the edge of our bed and accused me of being “giddy” before I was to see someone. I said to her “No, I’m not. But wouldn’t it bother you if I was?” She said “No” I responded with “Uh, when you’re married you really shouldn’t be giddy about other women.” My wife then said that’s it’s natural and OK to feel that way about seeing someone.

Uh, justification much?

During a marriage counseling session, she seriously suggested one of my Internet pals as a “better fit” for me.

Really?

I’m writing it down, because I was just thinking about it this morning and how much it hurt, and now pisses me off.

I’d like to say though, I’m actually falling asleep at a decent hour. That’s a plus. My day used to look something like this:

Up @ 6:45
Wait for her to get home, around 10:45-11pm.
Try to stay awake so I could spend quiet time with her.
Bed – around 1am . . Sometimes later.

Rinse and repeat.

I was going on fumes most days, just to make sure I’d see her after work. Because I knew I wouldn’t get time before she left. Plus, she was leaving earlier and earlier for work.

Actually during our last argument, she was going off how I should be more considerate because she worked a 17 hour shift. I told her I am up at least that every single day (where was my consideration?) She just responded as she always did “at least I have a job”
As though just because she works outside the home somehow makes her better, because I work from the home.

Regardless of what people think, running after 4 boys, driving to appointments and trying to keep it all together. . isn’t easy.

It doesn’t mean you can sit when you want, ignore the laundry, not sweep the floors and basically do whatever you want. It’s exhausting. I love my babies and wouldn’t trade a thing, buts it’s not a lazy job. It’s both physical and emotional work.

I have to admit, after awhile her comments really hit me and I lost confidence in my day. I started to wonder if I really was just a lazy woman and should be doing more. I second guessed myself at everything, everything. I was always worried of her opinion, which made me feel less confident in my choices. Before I knew it, I couldn’t make a choice about anything without validation..

One word. Just one word of praise from her would have been gold.

Anyways, it’s Friday! Of course that doesn’t mean a lot in that I’m not going out or something. But it does mean I get my boys home from school tomorrow and that I can ignore the 6:45am alarm.

I can’t find my gorgeous new umbrella. Perhaps an umbrella day is in order.

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