My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – I Dunno

In Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, single, sleep, Troutdale Oregon, wedding, women on May 16, 2011 at 5:20 am

I have no clue what’s going on with me today. I feel like I’m on the verge of freaking tears.

I miss her and then I try to remind myself how she made me feel. It’s the only thing keeping me in check.

I was thinking about the last good day we hung out together. Even then she was acting all weird, I guess I saw it then. I just tried to pretend it was me. But I still tear up remembering the day. I wish I wasn’t seeing the things I am about it. I wanted that to be a good memory, I wanted to keep it.

It’s really amazing the amount of stuff I allowed myself to overlook, because I hoped.

  1. I’m not a lesbian and I’ve never been married, but I have experienced the heartache you’re talking about. For me the pain was in the realization that my existential construct had collapsed. It seemed as if the universe had malfunctioned and I was the biggest loser. Then I realized that as challenging as relationships are, they really shouldn’t be that hard. Keep hoping, it will come to you again. the world is in constant flux :))

    • Thank You for sharing your experience. It’s wild, isn’t it, how we can all come from such different places in life, yet the basic emotions ties us all together. Giving hope, encouragement and comfort. It’s beautiful yet so sobering to realize others have walked this path of heartbreak that just sucks. It gives me hope though, to know there’s possibility ahead. . .

      • Indeed there is possibility ahead for you and for all of us. Let me tell you .. sometimes I wonder what happened to my life and if I look at it from one perspective I’m sure I’d want to stick my head in the grinder and if I look at my life from another (healthier) perspective I realize that my life is full of hope, anticipation and wonder. Now, sometimes … you’ve just got to laugh at yourself so you can laugh at the world. That’s my philosophy.

  2. Hope is a beautiful thing, because it allows us to see what might exist beyond one sorrowful situation. It can be hurtful sometimes, though, as when we apply that hope to situations it’s probably better to let go of . . .

    Far better to hope than not believe there’s anything to hope for!

    • It’s what keeps me believing that I will move past this, her. As the song by Jewel says “Hearts are broken everyday” surely hearts heal everyday. . I hope.

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