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My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Audible Sunshine

In attorneys, Break-up, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, Netflix, news, Pain, parenting, promises, relationships, religion, school, single, sleep, vows, wedding, women on May 26, 2011 at 9:39 pm

*insert really loud yell, scream, and some stomping up and down in frustration.*

Tuesday night the wife and I came to an agreement.

*insert flying pigs and ice skating across hell*

It’s a little short of what I was asking for, but it’s a help. I’m still not going to be left with much, but anything at this point helps. So by the end of June, I will be a single woman.

I’m still pretty sad about the loss of the woman I married (not the one who I filed divorce against. . same person, different people) and I know it’s gonna take time, but I’m working on it.

I did learn today that stupid love songs still make me cry, so I had to turn the radio off in the car today. And I found myself tearing up from time to time today. A far cry (no pun intended) from where I was a month ago, but I’m looking forward to the days I can just roll through a day without tears, thoughts or that pang that punches you a little when you hear a song.

I’m still unable to sleep in the bed all night, though I did take a nap on it the other day. I’m really hoping I can get past the memories and be the only person in the bed eventually.

Then I get all conflicted with feelings of being pissed off at her again, when I’ve been struggling financially this week. With just a few dollars lining my pocket, I’m stressed about groceries. I had to borrow those few dollars, as it is. And then going over my bills today, I found I’m going to be left with maybe 100.00 for the ENTIRE month, after paying bills. That 100 is somehow magically supposed to expand to buy gas, groceries, laundry money and co/payments.

Just thinking about it makes me a mess of feelings. Emotional soup, minus those little oyster crackers that have nothing to do with oysters.

The boys have been home from school all week. What started out as allergies, turned into full blown asthma. The 9yr old is the one who has constant asthma maintenance (they added a new daily medication, which will hopefully help) while the others seem to be allergy related. The boys still tried to eat waffles with chopsticks while the 10yr old marched around the house with oven mitts on his feet. It’s things like that, that just make it all wonderful, and somehow not care I haven’t had a moment alone in 6 days. I miss feeling that way.

It seems when I was still living with her, that constant feeling of not being good enough really robbed me of a lot of joy I used to have in a lot of aspects of my life. It’s nice to find my joy again in oven mitt foot coverings, despite the financial and emotional roller coaster of divorce.

The boys also discovered Mr. Bean on Netflix (I cancelled cable a long time ago) and hearing those boys belly laugh, really makes for a good day.

It’s like, audible sunshine.

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  1. Sorry to hear about your impending divorce, but I can certainly empathize. Let your emotional soup fly a bit – do something creative perhaps. As for the $100 for the month? Be creative – make it into a game for yourself if you can. There’s a bright side to everything πŸ™‚

    Take care
    D-

    http://sociosound.wordpress.com

    • Thank You for your comment.

      I’m so sorry to hear you can empathize. You’re right, there’s a bright side, and I’m sure in the coming month I’ll figure out what it is. Right now though, fear has a bit of the reign.

      I’m clipping coupons.

      πŸ™‚

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