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Archive for June, 2011|Monthly archive page

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Swimming Sucks And So Does Divorce Drama

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, Netflix, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, single, women on June 28, 2011 at 2:19 am

My ex fired her divorce attorney today.

No. Joke.

I received the email this afternoon. She sent a letter to my attorney stating she has now withdrawn any agreements we had on the table previously, and is now representing herself with full intent on taking this to a hearing and to “throw herself on the mercy of the court”.

Uhm, OK.

Really?

We were THIS close to having the divorce done and over with. This is the sense of entitlement that makes her behave as though everyone owes her something that I was talking about a few blogs back. It’s so exhausting to constantly have to stop everything to entertain it. I’ve had several attorneys tell me that I have a really good case, and more than likely could receive way more than I had asked for previously, should this go to trial. The only reason why I let go so many of the things I asked for in this last settlement offer, was to just get it over with. Not because I didn’t have good cause.

But shoot..

I was really looking forward to cake, and celebration and possibly a new pair of heels to go with it all.

I will be so glad when it’s over and I no longer have to even think about dealing with her anymore. I’ve worked hard to make a new life for my children and myself in this town, despite her removing all the things she promised and didn’t keep.

I’ve chosen not to get upset about this, and I’ve chosen not to let it bother me. God has always looked out for my children and I, and I look to Him. Whatever happens, happens.

I’ve got way too much to be thankful for, to even let this bother me.

Which leads me to the second thing that happened to me today.

It’s been pretty humid here, so I took my boys to the pool where I live. 3 of the boys were in the shallow end of the pool, while one decided to sit out. He was sitting beside me on the pool chair.

The one who was sitting beside me on a pool chair, was goofing off a little so I turned my head to look at him. In this moment, my 12 year old son went under the divider apparently and was trying to reach for one of those pool tube thingies (I’m not sure the technical term) that are like long noodles, that help you float.. ? Anyways, I don’t think he realized the pool got deeper as he ventured out in a place he couldn’t touch with his feet.

I turned my around to head count the boys, saw my 12 year old out in the deep end, and ran over to him. He can’t swim. He was waving his arms and went under, twice. I freaked out. I just freaked out. I don’t even remember jumping in the pool. One second I am on the edge yelling at him as he is slipping under the water, and the next I am holding him and trying to keep my head above water while trying to calm him down, because he is pulling me under with him.

The only thing holding us up is the fact I can touch the bottom of the pool with only the tip of my toe.

Lets face it, the only thing holding me up was the hands of God….

I pulled him to the shallow end and just held him. All he could say was “Thank You for saving my life Mom”.. He and I were both just stunned at what had taken place. In all my years parenting, I had never had anything even remotely close to what happened today, happen. It was numbing, and awakening all at the same time.

I’m not sure I have even still processed what happened today. I can’t believe my child was that close to something so awful and I can’t believe I saw it happening. I’m just so glad I was there to pull him out.

So that was Monday. Tomorrow we have plans for some fun things, which will not involve swimming in anyway shape or form. At least not until we have sat down and went through all the rules, and possibly some life jackets or a protective floating bubble of some sort.

I’m thankful for all I have, and refuse to focus on that which my ex is trying to take from me. I’ve been given a lot of amazing things in my life, and nothing she does will reduce the joy I am choosing to take in it. I’ve survived the last few months, and walked through grief and into joy.

I have a lot to be thankful for, including this journey.

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My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – *Shakes Head* Some Peoples Kids…

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, sex, single, sleep, vows, wedding, women on June 23, 2011 at 2:59 am

All I can say, is a fool and their money is soon parted.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – I Had Sex

In attorneys, Break-up, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, family, gay, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, relationships, religion, sex, single, vows, wedding, women on June 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Not just “sex”, but amazing and passionate sex.

Like, the kind of sex that makes you realize you’ve been missing out on something you didn’t realize you should have been feeling before.

The kind of sex that makes you realize you are.

The kind of sex that makes you feel safe.

The kind of sex that makes you want to hold her all night, while praying you don’t drool on her pillow.

She’s amazing, she’s present and
whatever apprehensions I had about being physical, are gone.

It’s not like me to engage this quickly on a physical level, but I’m just going with the flow, and enjoying it. 

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – I Kissed A Girl, And I Liked It.

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, single, sleep, Troutdale Oregon, Uncategorized, wedding, women on June 15, 2011 at 3:56 pm

I was asked out on two dates for this past weekend, by different women.

I was really flattered, and I did meet with one for coffee.

I managed to survive that awkward moment where you realize you are trying to get back into the swing of life, and embrace what it means to be single again. I even threw the thought around, that maybe I shouldn’t go out at all. I wondered if maybe it was too soon to enjoy the company of another. But then again, when is it really a bad thing to enjoy spending time with someone because you like them?

But that realization wasn’t the was the deciding factor in leading me to meet with her. One of my friends said to me that I deserved to spend time with someone other than my ex. I have no idea why that statement hit me as deeply as it did, but she was right… I do.

After internalizing her words, I decided to meet with this woman for coffee. I have to say it was one of the best first dates I have ever had. No.. it was the best first date I have ever had in all the history of my first dates.

When we had that awkward moment of saying Good Night, she was sweet to kiss me on the cheek. I knew she was being respectful of my space, but at that moment I wanted to kiss her. Really kiss her.  So, I kissed her.

And it was really nice.

And she was the only woman present in my mind when I did.

And I liked that.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – 2 Months Later

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on June 4, 2011 at 12:29 pm

June 4th, 2011

Today marks 2 months since my wife has been gone.

A few days ago, I cleaned out the food she had bought, from the cupboards. I packaged up the canned goods, and drove it down to a donation station. It gave me a ton of free cupboard space, and the opportunity to arrange things as I’d like. A few adjustments, and I actually can make the small spaces work now.

I got up this morning and decided the boys and I were gonna make the most of today. I refused to sit around the house reflecting on any feelings that I might still have for her.

We’ve had this mystery house plant that’s been sitting around for a year, so we drove it down to a garden nursery in hopes they could identify it. It turns out it’s an outside plant called Autumns Joy. Only, it seems to only want to grow indoors. I’m sure there’s a metaphor waiting to happen in all of that.

We then went some garage sales. I’m still looking for things to put in the apt. and on the walls. After two hours of driving around from garage sale to garage sale, we picked some Chinese food for lunch and watched Kung Fu Panda while eating.

The boys decorated the patio with sidewalk chalk (though I asked them to confine it to the table top of the patio table) and I enjoyed a conversation with a person, whose thoughts and observations on life, intrigue me.

Now, I’m sitting on the couch with the windows open, enjoying the breeze that comes through and can honestly say at this very moment I feel peace.

Peace was the unattainable to me a couple of months ago. It’s a feeling I never thought I would find, but here it is and it feels like a cozy pair of soft socks on tired feet.

I’m also coming to the realization that I am actually thinking about the possibility of love. I’m not the woman who’s needed to be with someone, jumping from relationship to relationship. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of time as an adult, single. But recently I’ve realized that I want to enjoy the companionship of another person and I’m open to the possibility of it, should it come along. Maybe it’s my age that’s helped me come to the realization that my soon to be ex wife, isn’t my soon to be ex last possibility. Or, maybe it has nothing to do with age at all, and I’m just realizing that love isn’t an emotion that has a “best use by” date stamped on it somewhere. Either way, however I learned the lesson, I’m feeling good with my thoughts of sharing companionship and affection with another, should I ever find myself in that place again.

I waited a long time for my wife, and from time to time I miss that woman I married. I waited for that one person I thought was worth taking the chance on, to openly love, marry and be a part of my life and the life of my children. At one time, she was that person, but I’d like to think it’s possible to open love again. Though this time, I’d like to know that the person I am with understands love is work, and makes the choice to love me even when they may not always like me. Being able to say “I love you” when you’re mad, says a lot. Being able to hug me when we’re unhappy with each other, says even more.

But for right now, sitting here in this apartment tonight feeling as content and peaceful as I do, I’m thankful for my life as it is. I have amazing children I share my life with, a roof over our heads, and I’m surrounded by people I’m blessed enough to call “friend” as I’m making new ones along the way as I’m rediscovering my smile.

My big fat lesbian divorce, is becoming my big fat human realization.

Life is good.