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Archive for July, 2011|Monthly archive page

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Military Medicine

In attorneys, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, Current events, current events, Divorce, family, God, grief, health, lgbt, Marriage, military, news, parenting, people, Politics, women on July 27, 2011 at 2:26 am

My son called me. He’s going to be flown to a facility overseas, to see an oncologist.

I have to say I’m increasingly realizing my son would receive better health care if he wasn’t in the military. He had this tumor over 6 months before they finally got on the ball to get him help. And now it seems they can’t give him a straight answer. Two pathologists say it’s a type of cancer, then a third one says it’s inconclusive. So now we’re hoping he will see a qualified Oncologist who can give my child the straight and conclusive answers he deserves. He’s finally flying out 7 months since his first biopsy, to see a specialist that he should have seen months ago.

Yes, I’m really upset by this.

And to think Obama has suggested our military pay for their own health care. . .

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My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – The Ugly Brown Jacket Has Left The Building

In attorneys, Break-up, christian, civil unions, clothing, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, news, Pain, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, sex, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 21, 2011 at 5:18 pm

It’s been delivered and donated.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Let’s Not Do The Time Warp Again

In Break-up, christian, civil unions, clothing, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, Netflix, news, Pain, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, sex, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 19, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I was cleaning out the closet, and came across a few things I had bought because she wanted me to. They’re ugly.

I got to thinking about all the real annoying habits she had, and trying to dress me was one of them. Which, I found odd because she had really bad taste when it came to clothing herself. I rarely liked what she wore, but never pointed it out, and never would have to the degree she did with me.

I bought stupid crap that wasn’t me, at all, in effort to try and look pleasing for her. But I don’t really recall her ever putting forth the same effort. I used to ask if she would wear her hair down, but she often refused. Choosing instead to keep it pulled back in that awful ponytail, that usually looked like the alternative to having to take the effort to comb and style her hair.

I also thought about all the times she would pick at me on the way out the door. “Fix your hair”, “What’s that, a zit?”, “Don’t wear the red coat, I don’t like it”, “Wear the gold hoops I gave you, they look better” and so on….. and on, and on.

I’m past being angry with her for all of the things she did, but I still feel a need to finally voice how I often felt about things. Call it a verbal cleansing of the mind if you will.

I also used to detest the fact she is a slob. I can’t recall how many times I would beg her to lift a finger and clean the one room I’d asked her to help upkeep, the master bedroom bathroom. In the span of 6 months, she had cleaned the shower once. It was gross. Her constant debate was since I was home full time, I should have done it for her. What she truly wanted was a June Cleaver apron wearing 50s Stiletto wearing cake baking wife. While she wanted to take a more traditional 50s male identified role with the family.

I started to feel like I had time warped into 1954.

The ugly brown jacket faces a fate of being donated, as it serves a reminder of all the things she wanted me to be and the part of myself I had lost.

I hope wherever it ends up, it ends up in the hands of someone who actually wants it.

Good bye brown jacket.

Good bye 1954 time warp.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – It’s Final, I’m Divorced.

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, netfix, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 14, 2011 at 10:53 pm

A of 3:10pm July 11, 2011 — I am officially divorced.

Free. Liberated. Restored. Single. Happy. Joyous.

I feel victorious.

She didn’t show up to court, something I was very happy about. The last thing I wanted to have to deal with, was being in the same room as her. We had come to an agreement before court, so her attorney showed up with a signed agreement. There were a few details to work out, but we figured them out and the judge was gracious enough to sign off the divorce right then and there.

I didn’t walk away with nearly the things she stripped from us restored, but I did walk away having won monthly payments for the next 12 months. She will be paying me out of the federal tax return money we received. It isn’t much, and it isn’t spousal support. But it is a payment she has to fill out once a month, and mail to me. Besides needing the help, I was hoping it would make her think before she attempts to mess up the life of another woman. Of course, I am not so ignorant to believe she will actually think before she tries to get another woman to revolve her world around her madness, but one can hope. If nothing else, that was the only thing I wanted her to take from all of this. I actually grieve for the woman that actually falls next victim to her manipulations and fabrications.

She has to pay my attorneys fees, plus her own, from the day she fired her previous attorney and chose to drag this mess out further.

I get to keep the vehicle.

I also agreed to drop the restraining order, but only if it was written in the agreement that she has to live as though there is still one in place. Meaning, stay away from me. Stay away from where I live, and not get within 150 feet of me, ever. Not to write or have others write or harass me. If she ever violates this, I will be able to file a new restraining order in court and she has agreed not to contest it. If she does, she has to pay my attorneys fees. I walked out of the courthouse with a new application for a restraining order, and you can bet if she so much as even tries to push her limits with the agreement, I will have it filled out and filed. The only reason why I agreed to drop it, was because this agreement actually gives me more protection, and more rights.

I didn’t drop it because of her job, because the responsibility isn’t mine. The moment she laid a hand on me, she put her own job in jeopardy. It isn’t my job to protect her, it is my job to protect myself and my children, and that is exactly what I did when I filed the original order.

I’d also like to say to her “friend” who feels a need to send me nasty messages. Two words; Spell Check. I sounded out a good portion of the words in your letters, and honestly I have never seen the word “entitlement” begin with the letter “o” before. It was an interesting spelling, coupled with atrocious grammar and punctuation. I am pretty sure a blind chimpanzee fluent only in an ancient language spoken in a far remote country somewhere, can compose a more well written email…. In English. That aside, I’d like to inform you that all of your emails have been forwarded to the appropriate authorities to keep a record of your harassment. It may be a little difficult for you to control your impulses to not write me, but I strongly suggest you stop. Unless you just want me to keep forwarding everything on and adding to the record.

As for me, I am sure over time I will be working through some of the residual things I am still working through. Like, being bothered she emotionally manipulated my children along with the fact she never returned the items she claimed (in writing) that she had (like, a handicapped parking placard for my children). In fact, when I think about it, she has only returned one item I asked for and yet after all the countless items I have returned, she still can’t find it within herself to return something as vital as a handicapped placard for the children. That is just what I am working with here, and a clear example of the self serving behavior I lived with for the duration of our marriage.

I am a far cry from where I was 3 months ago, and just so happy that once the smoke cleared, I could see things for what they really were.. who she is.

I am leaving this post with a photo of my divorce cake. It was a last minute purchase on the way home from court. The poor woman ran out of room for the word “divorce” but I told her it was OK. The marriage went over the edge, so it wasn’t a big deal the word divorce did. I had it written in purple, because the now official “ex-spouse” hates purple. It was a white chocolate/dark chocolate marble cake with raspberry filling.

Messy, but delicious..

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Court

In attorneys, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, Netflix, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, single, sleep, Troutdale Oregon, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 10, 2011 at 11:34 pm

We have a hearing tomorrow, to see if a judge can resolve this.

I guess for now that’s all I really have to say.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Pride & Confidence

In attorneys, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, Netflix, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, single, sleep, wedding, women on July 7, 2011 at 1:02 am

Haman …. Or Mordecai?

6:5 And the king’s servants said unto
him, Behold, Haman standeth in the court. And the king said, Let him come in.

6:6 So Haman came in. And the king said unto him, What shall be done unto the man whom the king delighteth to honour? Now Haman thought in his heart, To whom would the king delight to do honour more than to myself? 6:7 And Haman answered the king, For the man whom the king delighteth to honour, 6:8 Let the royal apparel be brought which the king useth to wear, and the horse that the king rideth upon, and the crown royal which is set upon his head: 6:9 And let this apparel and horse be delivered to the hand of one of the king’s most noble princes, that they may array the man withal whom the king delighteth to honour, and bring him on horseback through the street of the city, and proclaim before him, Thus shall it be done to the man whom the king delighteth to honour.

6:10 Then the king said to Haman, Make haste, and take the apparel and the horse, as thou hast said, and do even so to Mordecai the Jew, that sitteth at the king’s gate: let nothing fail of all that thou hast spoken.

6:11 Then took Haman the apparel and the horse, and arrayed Mordecai, and brought him on horseback through the street of the city, and proclaimed before him, Thus shall it be done unto the man whom the king delighteth to honour.

6:12 And Mordecai came again to the king’s gate. But Haman hasted to his house mourning, and having his head covered.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – 3 Months Later

In Uncategorized on July 5, 2011 at 11:52 pm

*The following was written on the 5th of July. I never finished it, because to be honest I just didn’t want to say anything to piss her off and add fuel to the divorce drama. But in a few moments I am going to blog some news, so I feel liberated to publish this. I would like to say I did have quite an enjoyable celebration for the 4th of July. We went to BBQ, a celebration and watched the fireworks. Not once did I find myself wishing I could share any of it with her.

 

 

Today marked three months since I asked my ex to leave the apartment. It’s also Independence Day. Quite poetic passing…

A lot has happened since my first post. I’ve grieved, come to terms and now I’m just waiting for everything to settle.

I’d like the divorce to be final, no matter how much she wants to fight. But I feel pretty strong about the fact she moved us up here, and now wants to dispose of us like some bag of rubbish she put by the curb side. She made a lot of promises, verbal contracts, and promised a lot to my children. I’m not asking for much, in fact less than she promised, and less than she set us back. But if she wants to continue the fighting, there’s really nothing I can do but wait it out.

Actually there’s no one fighting, but her.

I know that I gave up fighting a long time ago. Months were spent just letting her yell and be angry over things I had no control over. Yet, she somehow thought being angry about would change all of it.

A good example is that line “You don’t make me feel special.” I have no idea who can make someone else feel “special” 24/7. Nor do I a partner should be asked to carry that responsibility in the first place. When we love someone, it’s evident. We do things to care for each other, we’re present and we nurture the relationship. But when that isn’t enough and the other is constantly screaming about not feeling special, then the person complaining needs to look within themselves. Because all of the gold in the world can not fill that which seems to be missing.

It’s sad, but she used to tell me how her previous partners didn’t make her feel special either, so I knew it was a constant. But because I was the person in front of her, it became my fault. So she fought with me about it.

No, let me rephrase that….

She fought at me about it.

 

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – My Son Has Cancer

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, single, sleep, Uncategorized, wedding, women on July 2, 2011 at 1:36 am

I got a call last night from my son.

As you might recall, he is stationed overseas in the Marine Corps.

He had a biopsy done sometime back, that showed there was cancer present. How much, what type and all of that, was unknown. I guess the amount sent to the pathologist, wasn’t enough to really be conclusive (this is what my son has said.. )

Well, he had surgery recently to completely remove and biopsy (again) a growth on the back of his head. He called me last night and told me that his results came back before the expected date of the 11th. He has Malignant Fibrous Histiocystoma. Here is the link he sent me to describe it:

http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/Site1090/mainpageS1090P0.html

He explained they will be doing a cat scan to see if it has spread anywhere. If it hasn’t, he is considered Stage 2. If it has, they will send him overseas to a place not here (I’m being vague to protect location) and he will receive radiation treatments.

I have to tell you, having heard not long ago that they found some cancer in his previous biopsy, has prepared me for this. But nothing really prepares you to put a name to it, read the possibilities and resonate this information in your heart and mind that this is your child, and cancer.

I cried, not because of me, but because of him. He is only 21, and no one should ever have to deal with this crap at 21. I want life to be good, easy and wonderful for all of my children. I know life will bring struggles and life will happen. But nothing still prepares your heart to accept it is happening to your children.

My son is a remarkable young man. I have no doubt that whatever lies ahead, he will kick ass at it.

He always has.

*If you’re reading this, I ask that you please keep my son in your prayers.. thoughts.. considerations. I would really appreciate it, and I know he would as well.

*Photo my son sent, showing where tumor was removed

 

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Cover Me

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, Divorce, domestic, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, Netflix, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, single, sleep, vows, wedding on July 1, 2011 at 12:04 am

Today my attorney showed up in court, to schedule a hearing, and so did my ex. She is currently representing herself, and wanting to withdraw the settlement we came to.

What a mess.

So a hearing has been set, and now we have to wait and go through the whole mess again. The good thing is, because she is the one who decided to try and get out of a contract, she will most likely have to pay my attorneys fees after this point. Which makes no sense to me. She wants to contest the settlement, hire a new attorney plus will most likely have to pay my attorneys fees, just to get out of a settlement she agreed on.. which is way less (by thousands) than she is going to be charged for the new attorney, my attorney and court costs.

I’m shaking my head, I don’t get it.

Has a bottomless money pit been discovered recently? I really should be watching the news more.

She is also now trying to take the vehicle form the children and myself. It’s a little complicated to explain, but the deal is the vehicle is in her name and I have made every payment on it since it was purchased. She has said several times she would never, ever do anything to jeopardize the vehicle because she knows I rely on it to transport my children to their appointments. However, she is now trying to get it taken away and claims she now has a buyer for it as well. Of course, these children she is apparently using to hurt me and them, are the very ones that she wrote me recently about. About how much she missed them, wanted to see them, and wanted to be a part of their lives.

Funny thing is, I am not mad. I guess because if I sit and just let it all unfold, the more I know God is in control. Every time I have placed my trust in Him in the face of adversity, He has always carried us through to the other side.

On that note,