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Archive for October, 2013|Monthly archive page

My Big Fat Life – Gabriel Update

In Uncategorized on October 6, 2013 at 12:14 am

Well, I had been working on a blog that was going to be about how great things have been or Gabriel. But then he got sick. Two bouts of pneumonia and on his second battle against postpericardiotomy(syndrome) inflammation currently, I wish I had a much better update.

I’ve spent fat too many nights in the ER with Gabriel and his brothers, and see the pediatrician far more than I would care to. Yet I have to say that I am touched by the calls from the pediatrician to check in on Gabriel, and the ER staff has been amazing even though I am sure they could do without seeing me as much, as well. The boys have been amazing and supportive of their brother during our middle-of-the-night ER trips that turn into seeing the light of morning, before we get any answers as to why Gabriel seems to be struggling so much.

I am not sure we even have answers, all I know it is really hard to see my kiddo in so much pain when the symptoms begin. The fevers, the pain, the tears that come with pleads to give him something to make the pain stop so he can sleep….. it’s really hard. He is such a beautiful person, and it hurts that someone so young and so cool, should have to deal with anything outside of typical teenage angst. I wish his only complaint was about chores, and homework. I want that for him.

He’s only been to school two days this year so far, and the district has finally approved in home tutoring for him, until he heals enough to try and go back for as long as he can tolerate in a day. For a teen who is really social and loves school, this isn’t an easy thing to look forward to. Today the first candidate for tutoring called me to tell me she wanted to only come twice a week, for 2 1/2 days and I had to tell her that I didn’t think he would be able to handle that much one on one tutoring right now. She seemed to have a pretty big personality and want to keep pushing the matter, but I pushed back and told her she needed to call the school and let them know she couldn’t do it. I need him to be tutored to help prepare him for his return to school, but I also need to keep my home as peaceful and centered as possible.

In the midst of this, I have had a lot of time to think while standing around rooms. One of the things I have been thinking about is the title of my blog. I am feeling less like I need to talk about my big fat lesbian life, and just stick to my life. I am a woman who happens to have a life. Of course I may be over thinking it all right now, or not thinking clearly enough. When my kiddo feels better and I get a full nights sleep again, I will tell you.

That brings me to this.. I am really worried about my kiddo. Just when he starts to feel better, he gets sick again. It seems to be within a two day period. The cardiologist said to me yesterday that he doesn’t know why Gabriel seems to have such “bad luck” with this, and I don’t know either. All I know is that a surgery that was supposed to save his life, has him battling illness, and I really want to see my son who was so full of life and energy. I want to see the color in his cheeks, and watch him run around because it’s impossible for him to stand still longer than half a second.

I don’t know if you are the praying kind, but if you are, please lift my family up in prayer. Gabriel needs complete healing, total healing, immense healing, pure healing… all the healing you can imagine. Gabriel needs it. His brothers, who have been amazing, need peace and worry to be far removed. It’s been difficult for them to watch their brother go through all of this, and watch him hurt with fear when they need to do blood work. I’m working on keeping my mind and heart full of peace, so that the boys can see that and not worry so much. But of course I do worry, and it is hard to see my son struggling so much. It’s nothing any parent wants for their child to have to deal with. It’s not anything the parenting books prepare us for.

I need to head get him up for his next round of medications, and then I need to try and get some sleep myself. Thank you all so much for listening, and thank you for the love and support. It really means a lot… it really does.