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Archive for January, 2014|Monthly archive page

My Big Fat Pajama Pant Life – #hashtagpajamapants

In Uncategorized on January 31, 2014 at 6:05 pm

I am probably like every other Mom in the history of Moms. I sometimes feel overwhelmed, over extended, tired, and I don’t always manage to get the dishes done at the end of the day. Yes, I have to wake up and wash bowls in the morning sometimes. Just a word of advice, if you can teach your children to rinse out their dishes after they are done eating then you will have eliminated at least …oh.. 10,000 steps (give or take a few) of removing whatever food that has seemed to morph and evolve into a food based super glue.

I can’t recall if I have written about this (I could go back and look, but I am sitting here in my pajamas so let that serve as an indication of just how busy I have been), but I have pulled all of my children from their school. Now let me explain before you finish mouthing the words “Is she crazy?”. When I moved up here, the school district was awful. I had to hire an attorney to help me get the services three of my children need. If you have ever sat in on an IEP, you know just how difficult they are. What the district put me through during that time I had to advocate for the children was a huge contribution to my stress moving up here, and ultimately the dumping ground was my marriage. As if that disaster needed one more ingredient for failure. The attorney helped the district and I come to an agreement that they promised to abide by, and didn’t. The state of Oregon recently found them in violation and ordered changes. While this is good for those who still have children in the school, for me it didn’t come in time. Shortly after filing my complaint with the state, they pulled his aide from his IEP (without notifying me of their intent of this change, or to even discuss this at the IEP) and put me in a place that would have forced me to send my child to school, knowing he could wander off at any time or be put in a position where he couldn’t advocate for himself.

No.

Combine all of their antics, which were really stressing me out,  and the only solution was to pull them from the school. They are now enrolled in public schooling, it is just all online. I don’t have to provide or design the lessons; I just have to implement them. It isn’t the easiest system to learn, but I am putting the work into it on the premise that if I can remove the constant stress that the school district has been a source of, I can focus all of that energy to help the boys actually be in a place where they can learn. I see a lot of ice cream in my future.

Things are still in a really difficult place with Gabriel. He is on the prednisone still, which means he hasn’t had any inflammation. They are tapering him off the medications though, and so the real test comes when he is off of it completely. I hope more than anything his heart has had time to heal and in the month coming, when he has tapered off completely, he is in a really good place with his health. I still cry a lot and watch him sleep, while begging God to please heal my son. It is in those moments I don’t know if God even hears me, because it is in those moments I feel the most lost and desperate. It’s funny how that works. You would think when we need a life vest the most we would feel the most secure in a God we are told hears us. Yet, it’s at that moment of feeling like we are losing our reserve and cant tread water anymore, that we feel the most unheard. Ever notice how people seem to feel the most on top of their spiritual game, is when everything in their life seems to be going right? It seems when things are gong right in our life, we use it as a measure to determine our relationships in our life. When things are good, things are good. When things are falling apart around us, surely nothing else is right and must be fixed. It’s like.. emotional hysteria.

I will be the first to acknowledge that I have had my share of dragons to slay in my life. It hasn’t always been an easy journey, and there are times I look back and wonder how I managed, when I can’t even find a matching pair of socks to slip on my feet before I leave the house current day. I know how far I have come. I am reminded of how I survived, just remembering I am my Mothers daughter. I am reminded just by looking back at an earlier entry in this blog. I’ve had my share of tears, and I have had my share of joys. There will always be those seasons, mine just seems to be that sub season between winter and spring.. “raining cats, dogs, and the kitchen sink”. I guess where I am going with this is that I am trying. I am trying to hold to whatever hope I can that things are going to get better. Some days are harder than others when I reach out for a life jacket and only seem to grab a hold of more challenges, but I am sure trying to believe that things will get better. I am determined.

I have given up mascara though.