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Archive for February, 2014|Monthly archive page

My Big Fat Life – Snow & Sleep

In Uncategorized on February 7, 2014 at 4:42 am

It’s really quiet outside tonight. It’s been snowing a good part of the day, and it’s perfectly still out. I glanced out the window just a few moments ago, and the ground is perfect. I can see the places people have walked, and all of the places that remain untouched. It’s really the only time I like snow, in the middle of the night. But this year it means a lot more to me. Gabriel loves snow. He’s been wanting it to snow more than anyone I know. He’s missed so much this past 6 months, that to see the snow come down wasn’t really that bad this year. In fact, it’s a blessing.

It’s 4:26am and I can’t sleep. Part of it I am sure is because it’s so nice and quiet in the apartment and I am enjoying some time to myself. The other part is I have things stirring in my heart, and sleep is that elusive strand of hair that keeps tickling your face but you can never seem to grasp when you’re trying to sweep it from your face, but you can catch a glimpse iof it there teasing you out of the corner of your eye.

Gabriel is on is last taper of the prenisone right now. He has 2 weeks of this dose, and then he stops. He’s been on this run for the past few months, and it’s kept the inflammation at bay, while his heart heals more. It’s scary to think that he may go off of the medication and we will jump back to square one, but then I am hopeful that his heart has had enough time to heal properly and he won’t need to go back on the medication. This is the stage that I feel my spirit slowly rising to prepare for that crisis mode that keeps me prepared for those middle of the night ER visits, and I find it harder to sleep. I love that kid so much, and he’s been through so much, that I wish my wishes alone could fix this all for him, right now. I wish I could whip out the magical Snoopy Band-Aide and fix it. If.. if.. if..

But here I am, now 4:38am and I just sitting here behind a computer screen, as he sleeps, and I am thankful for the snow that he loves so much, and I am thankful that here in this moment he is okay.