Archive for August, 2014|Monthly archive page

My Big Fat Life – ……

In Uncategorized on August 19, 2014 at 10:55 pm

I have something to share, but I am going to keep it as brief as possible. As much I need to get the words out, I am simply still not in a place to put all the words together just yet.

A few days ago I was on the road taking my adult son home. It was a long road trip. Since Gabriel has a birthday coming up, we also stopped by the cemetery to lay a flower on the grave of his identical twin, Isaac. I haven’t been there in sometime, and I knew we wouldn’t be there before the birthday, so we decided to make the stop while we were in the area. We stopped, dropped my eldest son at his house, and headed home. On the way home Gabriel fell asleep, as did most of the boys in the van.

I was literally moments away from home when I looked over at Gabriel who was sitting in the front passenger side of the van. He is always trying to slide down when he falls asleep, and I freak out over the seatbelt not sitting correctly across the chest, so I am known to keep an eye on who is sitting in the front. Only this time when I looked over what I saw was Gabriel’s chest pushed out, his eyes rolled back and he was shaking. Yes, I freaked the f*** out.

I think I pulled to the center lane, I can’t remember. I just know I stopped the van immediately and started screaming for help. I thought he was having a heart attack. I have never seen a seizure like that before, and I really thought I was watching my son die. I remember when I ran to his side of the van, and opened the door, there was drool on his face. I felt completely out of control to help my child. At one point cars stopped everywhere, people got out to help and yet the only other thing I can remember is looking over and seeing someone start CPR on him. Have you ever seen someone start CPR on your child? I seriously hope not. It was without a doubt one of the worse things I have witnessed happening to one of my children. I don’t know if he was breathing or not; I am not sure what happened in that moment. It’s all still a blur, but I remember seeing that and thinking at that moment that my son was not alive, and laying on the ground.

A woman and her husband pulled over to help. I was too hysterical to follow the ambulance, so she drove me while her husband followed behind. Not knowing if Gabriel was alive, or what was happening, I remember being afraid to walk up to the ER once we got there, but s we arrived, I saw them wheel Gabriel in. I thought I saw his head up, but I was too scared to hope. As it turns out (Gabriel has since told me) he doesn’t recall a thing. He said he remembers falling asleep in the van, but waking up in the ambulance. He wasn’t sure if we were in an accident, or where we were.

In the ER the Drs couldn’t determine what caused his seizure, and assured me that he was seemingly okay at the time. His heart rate was elevated, but that was all that seemed off. Of course I wasn’t really wanting to leave until they ran every test under the sun, but they sent me home with some medication I have to give him if it happens again with a plan to call 911 immediately. I seriously pray, hope, want to believe, I never have to see my child go through that again.

His rheumatologist called me the following day to check in on him; which I thought was really sweet. I explained to him what happened, and he assured me it wasn’t the colchicine. It was the only thing I could think of that could have caused it, because he took it an hour and half prior, and nothing else has changed in his life. He did suggest that since Gabriel has been having such a hard time with the GI side of it, to drop the dose to one pill a day, instead of the one pill twice a day. I expressed my concern that the cardiologist told me that if Gabriel had ever had another flare, they would do surgery immediately to remove the pericardium sac. The rheumatologist assured me that since we can seemingly control it with the colchicine, that if he flared again, we would simply bump the medication back up and not go right to surgery. So I guess that is great news in the midst.

The pediatricians office called me today, and they have ordered an MRI and EEG. I’m supposed to hear from them to schedule. I also place da call to the cardiologist, as someone suggested it could be related. He didn’t get back to me today, so I am hoping to hear back at least tomorrow.

I’ll update more when I find out as we go, but for now that is all I can share.


My Big Fat Life – One Year In 6 Hours

In Uncategorized on August 8, 2014 at 11:00 am

It is a few minutes after midnight.

As I write this, I can look over and see Gabriel fast asleep. I have to wake him up in an hour to take his colchicine, but for right now, he is peacefully asleep.

In 6 hours, it will mark a year since we arrived at the hospital for Gabriel to have his heart operated on. Maybe it would seem further away in time had Gabriel not gotten sick and been battling with his health a majority of the year, but there is no denying our lives are much more different than they were a year ago.

In addition to everything going on with Gabriel, this past year my son Christopher came home from Wounded Warriors, and I had to start teaching the boys at home because the school district simply wouldn’t follow the IEPs. Which by the way, is a real adjustment. I have learned more about math than I ever knew, and wanted to know.

There is no denying that this year has been full of changes. Some good, some challenging and some down right painful. But for all the challenges and changes, I am thankful tonight. I am thankful that a bit ago I got a text from Christopher, that I can see Gabriel sleeping peacefully, and that the colchicine is working right now. Those are some pretty big things in my life, and there is no words that I can use to explain just how good it all feels in the midst of the challenges . I can just tell you that tonight.. right now.. life feels good. It’s not quite there yet, and perhaps life will always be trying to reach for the next step, but for right now it is good.

(Morning of August 8th, 2013. Gabriel was given a bear to keep him company right before surgery. He asked his little brother to keep it for him while he was in surgery. D took the bear and sat him in this chair, overlooking the gardens at the hospital, while we sat in the waiting room waiting for word on Gabriel during surgery)
D and Bear

(My view pulling into PDX to pick up son Chris. Coming home to stay)

My Big Fat Life – Welcome Back

In Uncategorized on August 5, 2014 at 5:08 pm

As many of you know, I chose to close my blog down because of the harassment I was receiving from someone who refused to honor my requests to leave me alone, and to refused to follow the advice of law enforcement to leave me alone and *unfollow* my blog (WordPress staff thankfully stepped in and removed them from my list). Ignoring all requests, they then decided to take it a step further and try to comment on my blog with claims that were only half truths and complete falsities. It gave me more than enough to seek libel in a lawsuit against this person, but after taking some time to think about it, and speaking to an attorney, I have decided to just let this person continue with the slander and lies. I figure if I let it go long enough, they will continue with their inability to stop harassing me, and give the courts and law enforcement more than enough evidence. I move on and continue my life, and they just destroy themselves.

Thankfully the American Embassy and LE officials are aware, and have become involved as well. I received note two days ago of the progress and with the support of the Embassy and LE, in addition with WordPress, I can now open my blog and get back to sharing the things that are really important. I have disabled comments for a bit though, as to continue to sift out any comments left should it start again, so they can be forwarded to law enforcement and all of officials that are keeping note of anything that might continue.

If you find yourself in the following, please stand up and speak out. Speak to law enforcement. Seek help….

– Unsolicited attention, emails, phone calls or continued harassment from someone, I encourage you to talk to everyone who will listen. Make sure they know who the offender is, and find out your rights.

– Keep all emails and records of communications. If anything is sent to your home, make copies.

– Talk to attorneys, officials, local law enforcement. Let them know the patterns. It is vital to keep people informed, should anything happen.

– Tell your friends. It might be embarrassing, but remember you need to let people know. Show their photo to those around you, in case anyone sees the person hanging around your home, and encourage them to call the police if they see them at anytime.

– You can disable their ability to send you emails. Well, at least your ability to see them. They still might attempt to send you emails, but Yahoo won’t allow it to come into your mailbox, spam or trash folders. Keep all previous emails though, and file them.

– Anytime you ask someone to stop contacting you, and they continue to contact you or refuse to listen to LE (in this case, they were even asked by LE unfollow my blog and refused to honor those requests), it is harassment. This is against the law. People who continue to contact you after you have asked them to stop, or listen to LE, display inability to control their actions and should be considered a potential physical threat. Do not ignore this, or simply put up with it. Protect yourself.

You wouldn’t allow someone to do it someone you care about, so don’t allow someone to do it to you.

Stand up, and stand strong.

Much love,