lesbianspaghetti

My Big Fat Life – Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. Shit.

In blog, blogging, emotions, failure, family, fast car, feelings, Foolish Hearts, Friend, God, grief, healing, Laughing stars, Life, Love, Pain, Portland Oregon, Questions, Rain, Relationships, The Little Prince, Writing on February 5, 2015 at 6:54 pm

I came here to write about a few updates, but I think my heart is so heavy that I am just going to vent instead. I need.. NEED to get some of what is going on inside, out.

Tomorrow I have a biopsy. I have no clue if there is something going on, and frankly I am hoping there isn’t. I am absolutely terrified.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about my life the past few days. Heaven knows I am beyond happy that I am a parent, and I love these people more than I can express to you.  They give me more joy than I can even begin to list, and it wouldn’t make a lot of sense to since I am pretty sure you wouldn’t find it as entertaining as I do.

I do feel like if something were to happen to me today though, that I would be missing out on some things I have always wanted to happen, and certainly experience. I know that at the end of it all, that I want to know love. I want to know what it is like to share a bed with someone at the end of the day, knowing they will be there. There is no question, no fear, no worry… you just know they are there, and you’re a team. Is that even possible? Have I been watching way too many movies with scripted love?

Does it exist?

 

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