My Big Fat Life – Where Was I?

In Uncategorized on September 1, 2015 at 12:38 am

Yesterday I received an email. My ex has decided to “take a break” from our friendship.  Which is fine… she needs to do what she needs to do for herself, much in the same way coming out of the heterosexual closet was something I needed to do for myself.

Fact is, I am not sure I was ever in any real distinctive closet to begin with. The more time passes, the more I realize I was dodging love in the name of seeking it, and dating women was about as empty as dating men previously was. It wasn’t gender specific. It was emotionally empty specific. That isn’t to say I didn’t care about anyone I have ever dated, because I did care about them as people. I just wasn’t ready to open up to someone and let them into those spaces that I was so careful to avoid.

But then I met him, and it sort of feels like I had no apprehensions to begin with. I have zero clue where it’s going, and honestly I am just taking it in as it comes, but it’s nice to be with someone that I hope I am still dating years from now. His smile makes me happy. It makes the fact I even ever dated women even that much more foreign to me, and sometimes it makes identifying with anything I wrote in the first year of this blog seem like it was written by the hands of a different person completely.

While that means some people may hurt because of this, and that doesn’t make me feel good to know that people hurt because of me, the fact I can’t relate to so much of who I was just two years ago is a really good thing.


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