My Big Fat Life – Home Is Where

In Uncategorized on November 12, 2015 at 9:40 am

I have at least 10 entries started, and I haven’t finished a one. I get started on a thought, and then something distracts me to the point of no completion. So here I am, again, and hoping I follow through this time.

LIfe seems to be on a stall right now. It’s pretty maddening. Gabriel needs another surgery that has been postponed three times now due to illness. Cold and flu season really is a stupid time to try this, but the Dr. think he needs it sooner than later, and of course I’m never prepared for this. I’m hoping we have a health streak around here long enough to get him what he needs. I’m somewhat tempted to  stand at the doors of the school and ask parents what the hell they are thinking sending their kids to school to cough all over everyone else. I could tell them I am from the health department, cracking down on parents who refuse to adhere to school policy on infectious illness. I wonder how well that would go down.

I would just like to be over this, and have the stress and worry be behind us. Once he has the surgery, he can start to do all the things he misses doing, and being well is one of those things. He’s pretty tired of being sick. While he hasn’t had a flare since they upped his dose of prednisone, it’s still pretty hard to see him not be able to do all the things he used to love doing.

Speaking of Gabriel, something weird happened not too long ago. Some kids contacted my son on FB and presented himself to be a 15yr old heart patient. He started asking Gabriel some weird questions and so my son handed the computer over to me. I read over the conversation and thought it seemed weird myself. This kid was asking Gabe where he lived, moved to, what his Mom did for work.. all kinds of very fixated questions, so I started talking to this kid as though I was Gabriel. I asked the kid if I could call him, and he said that I wasn’t allowed to because it was his grandmothers phone (he claimed his mom had just died and his dad ran off), but if I texted him that his grandma might let him call me (assuming I Was Gabriel). So I got he number, handed it to someone who used his resources(won’t name who to protect their privacy) and within minutes we found out that the “kid was in fact Davids sister. I think she is either in her late 30s or early 40s now, but a grown ass woman pretended to me a teen boy to coerce information out of my minor child. Can you say breaking more laws than you realize? Holy crap.. Not to mention the ex isn’t even supposed to know where we live, so she gets to add attempting to give him that information to the list of laws she was trying to break. Thankfully a lot of people are watching her now, and agencies are aware of her and she’s in their sight. That feels pretty good to know, but still. So weird.

As for life being stalled right now, I have a lot of plans and things I would like to get involved in. I kind of feel like life is a bit stalled. While I like where I moved to, I still feel like I am not living at “home”. I think it’s the place i moved into. It’s really cute, and I do like it.. it just doesn’t feel like this is my forever home. I still have boxes I haven’t unpacked completely and some boxes with pictures I should hang on the wall, are still there, That’s usually a sign to me that I haven’t landed where I want to be completely just yet. The area is new to me, and it’s really awesome. Just.. I think it’s the space. There is nothing really wrong with it, and I don’t hate it. It just doesn’t feel like home. I sort of feel like I’m visiting on a daily basis, and when I walk through the doors I feel like something is missing. It’s nothing unbearable; I do look forward to finding a space to land though. While life seems pretty awesome right now in other ways, I do look forward to feeling like I can walk through the door and I’m home.


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