My Big Fat Life – He flirted with me! 

In Uncategorized on August 28, 2017 at 10:22 pm

It’s no secret I am eternally “cute”. I’ve never been the woman that gets called beautiful. I call it my own personal Debbie Reynolds Syndrome. While I’m chill with it now, there’s always that part of me that wants to be beautiful to that one person. I don’t even give a crap what others think past that one individual really. He’s why I put on make up, do my hair, try to look like I didn’t emerge from a garage sale explosion, and all those other things we women do to try and be attractive to the one person we have the feels for, so it’s weird to me when guys throw some attention at me, let alone like a dodge ball in 5th grade hell. 

Now, I’m pretty oblivious. I typically think someone is just being nice or write it off as “that must just be their personality” and all that other stuff. I don’t think I’m the most engaging woman on the surface, because I’m awkward as fuck when I meet people. But when someone starts saying things that are pretty in your face it’s hard not get what the end game is all about. 

When I was a lesbian flirting with women it was an entire different ball game (God it’s so hard not to make a joke about softball here). If you didn’t cinch the deal and reserve the U-Haul within two weeks, you’re friend zoned. There’s no guessing games when you end up having sex in the car after your first date, or she’s spending time asking you those get to know you questions over toast. It’s actually pretty cut and dry. If the lesbian eye lock didn’t happen in the club you know to move on, girl. 

So let me tell you what happened today…. I had an interview with someone opening a new business. When I first met him he was sorta flirty, but of course I wrote that off as his nature, so no big deal. At one point I put my glasses on so I could see some paper he handed me, and he was quick to jump in with “Oh, you put the glasses on. You’re not leaving here now” A bit flirty I guess, but people say stuff all the time and it’s usually pretty harmless in intent. It was after the interview he blew my phone up with those get to know you questions that add an element of excitement when you’re getting to know someone. I didn’t find it so exciting, in fact I found it odd.  In part because I truly don’t know how to handle attention from men when it comes at me; it’s not a game I ever really understood. It still feels forgeim that men might find me attractive, and it’s a lot like trying on a shirt that is twenty sizes too small when trying to make it feel completely not awkward as my boobs are busting open buttons and I can’t move my arms like that kid from A Christmas Story. That other part is I looked at my phone thinking “I’ve already got a person. What’s with this guy? Can’t he just tell by looking at me?”I seriously don’t know what my reasoning was with that thought, so I’m blaming my current state of physical health. Hell, let’s blame my uterus.  So when he sent a text suggesting some exchange of pics of an adult nature, I froze. With a woman I’d be all “Hey, girl… stop disrespecting me. If you don’t respect my relationships, you’re not respecting me”. Which is truth whether it’s male or female by the way, and I find it super unattractive anyways that people flirt with others who are invoked. The response I could muster was “I might be salty, but I reserve that for the person I’m involved with, and men off of Craigslist”.  

What in the actual f*ck? 

While it’s flattering when someone compliments because it’s sorta validating in a way,  I’m not looking to encourage attention past that. I can’t control what someone else says, but I can sure as hell control what I respond with. That shit is on me. I also just don’t want to deal with socially awkward situations as much as possible, because I suck at it. Confrontation is not easy for me. I’d avoid it all together if I wasn’t trying to be less of a doormat, and trying to change my old ways of just wandering off instead of working it out. 

I just seem to suck when it comes to attention from guys, and I’m totally at a loss. It’s not like men are some alien or incapable of having a coherent coversation. It’s just so weird! 


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