lesbianspaghetti

My Big Fat Life – People Change  

In Uncategorized on November 1, 2017 at 3:40 am

People I used to believe were best for my life: 

People that only said the good things about me and tickle my ears with smiles.

People that would agree with me on everything.

People that made me feel good.

People that didn’t expect anything from me.

People that didn’t bother me, and wouldn’t try to find me.

People that didn’t mind that I was flighty, and often flighty themselves because there was nothing more exciting than the chase, catch, release, chase, catch, release, chase…

People that made everything feel “easy” and didn’t challenge me to do better.

People I’ve come to learn that are the most valuable in my life: 

People that make sure I get home okay.

People that are honest with me, even if it’s not something I want to hear but need to hear.

People that ask how my day is going.

People that value me. That’s not just applicable to significant others.  *bizarre fact – Someone once told me to find someone who values me when I decided to date, and I seriously had no idea what that meant or looked like. I had to Google it. Just in case you’re as lost as I was, here’s what it’s supposed to generally look like, but for friendship value I’m sure Google has that covered. I kinda disagree with the last sentence in #9. Sometimes we just don’t enjoy the other for whatever reason. Romantic love comes and goes in waves in relationships, and that last sentence boarders more on what I perceive as romantic love notions:

http://www.elcrema.com/2016/03/06/12-ways-a-man-acts-when-he-values-his-lady/

People that challenge me when things feel difficult and I just want to retreat, because they want to see me do better and they believe in me. 

People that encourage me.

People that are consistent.

People that look for me.

People that make me feel safe, protected, secure, stand up for me, and stand with me. 

I’ve been laying here looking at the ceiling thinking about my youth, and remembering how much I wanted to be loved and valued, and love and value. I never had that, and didn’t know what that looked like so I just moved on with life while living the definitions I had written myself. I believed that being loved and valued meant someone made you feel good all the time. They came when you wanted, and left when you were done. I didn’t understand at the time that the definition I had written myself out of ignorance and inexperience was in fact the furthest from what it’s supposed to read.

It’s wild how one moment can rewrite everything.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: