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My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Thank You

In 2011, AP News, attorneys, Blog, Blue Like Jazz, Break-up, C.S. Lewis, cancer, children, Choose Joy, christian, Christmas, civil unions, clothing, coat hangers, Come Here Go Away, communication, cookies, court, Crying, Current events, dating, desert, Divorce, domestic, equality, Facebook, failure, family, fashion, fast car, feelings, finances, Fleetwood Mac, Flowers, Foolish Hearts, Friend, gardening, gay marriage, get a life, God, grief, health, Henry Miller, homosexuality, Jell-O, Kiss, Laughing stars, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, minivan, Musician, Natasha Bedingfield, Netflix, New York, news, NYE, Oregon, Pain, parenting, Pears, people, pictures, Politics, Portland, portland oregon, promises, Questions, Rain, Regret, relationships, religion, same sex, school, September, single, sleep, Steve Perry, Steve Taylor, stress, Uncategorized, vehicle, vows, wedding, women, Writing on January 17, 2012 at 12:32 am

After much thought, I decided this letter belongs as the last entry under My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce heading. It’s really more of a morph (non Power Rangers style, though I’d like to be the Pink Power Ranger if I had to choose).

In saying that, I’m struggling for the words to open a good-bye letter. Saying “good-bye” has never been my strong suit. I’ve led a life of good-byes while I’ve longed for a life of “Hello”.

But you didn’t say good-bye to me or the boys, and in retrospect, neither did we to you. Rather, we’ve lived our good-bye through each day we’ve discovered our laughter and ourselves once again.

So, let me start by saying Thank You.

I didn’t know where this journey of uprooting myself and the children to move up here would lead us. Of course I had hoped it would lead us to a better level of a new chapter in our lives, and it has. Just….without you. At first I felt that was more of an ending, but in reality it’s become a beginning.

I know I cried a lot after moving up here. I had left behind open skies, the sound of crickets at night, and the quiet streets. But despite the reasons we married, I had left it all behind because I made a commitment and I wanted to see where that journey could lead us all as a family. It wasn’t easy but that was the level I believed in my keeping my word. It wasn’t what we agreed on when we decided to marry that day we went to the courthouse, but still….

I thought despite things hadn’t come into my life as I had hoped, that it could somehow grow into what I dreamed of once I moved and in time.

Maybe I didn’t see you as my partner the way I should have when we decided to marry, but I gave it my all to grow into love with you and to be your wife. Eventually I did, but by that time I had also realized that our union was in reality a business arrangement between two people for your job, and would never really be the loving relationship of two hearts discovering each other in the natural progression I had longed for. By that time though, emotions were involved so walking away became a tangled mess. I should have walked away much sooner, but I can’t question or second guess myself anymore, because things turned out exactly as they should.

Since I’ve lived here on my own, I’ve discovered my own heart, my own voice, and my own open skies once again. Perhaps meeting you was exactly what I needed to move me to this new level of my life that’s opened up new and different opportunities for the boys and I.

B is flourishing in his new school, C is mainstreamed without an aide, G is reaching new milestones and D is excelling academically. Who knows if any of that would be the case had we not moved.

I’ve made new friends, explored new opportunities, found that I’m much stronger than I’ve ever given myself credit for, and learned to trust myself once again.

I’ve also found that I know exactly what I’m longing to feel with another person and a liberty to allow myself the freedom to feel it without reserve when it comes. I’ve had opportunities to do just that, but I haven’t settled. Because I’ve heard my voice when I filed for our divorce, and I liked the sound of my own strength.

So Thank You.

I say that without malice, sarcasm or for any other reason than to simply thank you.

You were the train ride here, that held a work shop of lessons that I needed to learn, for whatever reasons I needed. I appreciate that and I’ll always thank you for that.

But now, I need to tell you Good-Bye openly with my words instead of just living it as I have. The boys have said good-bye in their own ways, so I’m not just saying this as your ex wife, but also as your ex family.

We’re good.

I wish you love, happiness and I truly hope you find the peace you’re so desperately seeking. I hope you find healing, hope and joy. I hope many good things for you. I’m pretty sure neither of us had planned for it to end as badly as it did. That’s OK.

Because I’m exactly where God has planned all along.

If you listen to this song, you’ll hear exactly where my heart is in writing this. It starts when Chris Colfer sings, and ends with my

Good-Bye.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – This Is My Life

In AP News, Blog, blogging, Break-up, children, christian, civil unions, communication, court, Crying, Current events, dating, desert, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, equality, Facebook, failure, family, fashion, feelings, finances, Flowers, Friend, friendship, gardening, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, healing, health, homosexuality, Kiss, Laughing stars, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Life, Love, movies, Myspace, Netflix, New York, news, Oregon, parenting, people, Politics, Portland, portland oregon, promises, relationships, same sex, single, The Little Prince, vehicle, vows, women, Writing on January 14, 2012 at 1:44 am

For some reason I thought it had already been 9 months that had passed, but in reality it’s just passed. That’s a good thing, because that tells me my life has continued in a more positive light. I’ve been writing more about the things the my life is about now, then it was when I was married. Another good indicator that I’ve moved on.. That I’m whole again.

Because of that, I’ve decided that I may continue writing up until the year mark, but I’d like to focus more on my life today and where I’m going now. This blog will no longer be about My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce, but instead my life.

I thought I might wait until that year mark, but honestly I’m ready now. Because I’m living.. now.

As of today, I’d like to introduce you to My Big Fat Lesbian Life.

Hi, I’m Lia.

I’m a woman,

A Mom,

This is my life.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – My Wedding Ring

In Blog, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, Facebook, family, fashion, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, New York, Pain, Politics, portland oregon, relationships, religion, single, Uncategorized, wedding, Wedding Ring, women on August 21, 2011 at 11:09 pm

I am now stuck with this ring, that once was supposed to signify the never ending love between my ex and myself (I almost laugh audibly as I write that).

I want to get rid of it, and I have contemplated tossing it into the ocean. Though that seems like such a waste. I mean, it is a pretty ring.

I remember when she gave it to me on our “wedding” day. We were parked in front of the fountain in Centeral Park (not the Centeral Park, but the one in my small town), almost in the same exact spot where we shared out first kiss. It seemed like such a romantic spot and the right place to exchange rings.

Who knew that spot would not only be the place I received the kiss of her romantic death, but also the ring to bind it.

I wonder if this is how Frodo felt while packing around the ring that forced him from the security The Shire and into the cold reality of The Middle Earth.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – 4 Months

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, blogging, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, clothing, coat hangers, court, Crying, Current events, current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, fashion, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, love, Marriage, military, movies, news, Pain, parenting, people, Politics, portland oregon, relationships, Relationships, religion, school, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on August 20, 2011 at 1:51 am

August 4th came and went. It marked a couple of dates that are significant, but I’ve been so busy living, that I totally let it slip by.

While I understand this is a good thing, proof that my life has continued just fine, I am wishing I had taken total advantage and used it to mark a celebration of sorts. However, it’s never really too late to celebrate getting rid of crap, so I have planned a purging celebration to take place. Getting rid of anything to do with her, or anything she has given me.

August 4th marked the 4th month since I had her asked to leave, but it also marked the anniversary of our first date. The date lasted 10 hours, and took place mostly walking around downtown and talking. We had spent so much time chatting, that both of us had extended past the meters and both of us received a parking ticket that afternoon, on our vehicles. I came across the ticket that I had received, I saved it just for the sentiment of it all. But that has become a part of the purge and I no longer want anything. I want no remnants of that day, anything to remind me that it even happened.

I suppose that might sound like I am trying to erase the past, and dealing with the past is far more healthier than just pretending it didn’t happen. But I am in no shortage of constant reminders that I was married to her. I guess it is like packing a bag. When you have too much to close it, you either find a way to shove it all in and zip up the bag, or you dump the excess.

I am dumping the excess.

I’ve also had her creditors calling and asking for her. She is apparently not answering their calls, so they are instead, calling me. I’ve asked them to please remove my number from their databases, so here is hoping they will.

When I met her, her credit was a mess. I worked my bum off to help get her credit cleaned up so she could buy a house. But the first time she actually decided to try and handle her bank account on her own, she managed to put it in the red. I can actually pin that to the date, because I was shocked when I saw she made a purchase that she couldn’t afford. I completely stopped helping her that day, and ever since then she has tried to pin the blame on me for the mess her life was becoming. Denial of personal used to cause so many of our problems.

It’s weird, I’ve been thinking about that… the denial thing. She could literally stand in front of me, say something or do something, then completely deny it within seconds. It was soooooo weird…. Like, the jewelry.

Since she has been gone, I have found that there was more that I wasn’t told all the details of. I would like to say I was surprised, or even completely shocked, when I found out. But I wasn’t.

I am becoming more and more thankful that I am no longer with that woman. I have seen things for what they really were (and were not) the void has been replaced with a feeling of liberation and salvation.

Which makes this song so perfect for my thoughts today.. Milli Vanilli.. A group as fake as her love was, lypsynching lyrics about putting the blame on anything other than where it should truly fall. Perfect.

http://youtu.be/rB0Le3oM1b8

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Coat Hangers. What More Can I Say?

In attorneys, Break-up, civil unions, clothing, coat hangers, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on August 6, 2011 at 12:12 am

I’ve been given some hysterical suggestions regarding the 40 white (plastic) coat hangers that my ex paid her attorney to request possession of (I’m still amused by that fact) along with a few other trivial items (a blender blade, and some silverware amongst the request)

Think about it… Attorney writing request for plastic white coat hangers and a few items vs. The Dollar Store to purchase new ones….

Hys-ter-ic-al

The following suggestions were made to me, purely for comic relief:

Return all black ones with a note that they better match her soul.

Give her all wire hangers.

Agree to return only 15 hangers, but none of the white ones. Then see how long I can drag out negotiations.

Send her 4.00.

Send 5 plastic, along with 35 wire with no hooks.

Along with these suggestions, I was sent the following photo via text from a friend. I think it would make a lovely default pic.

20110807-043708.jpg

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – No Wire Hangers!

In Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, blogging, Break-up, christian, civil unions, clothing, coat hangers, court, Crying, Current events, current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, love, Marriage, movies, news, Pain, parenting, people, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, Relationships, religion, sex, single, sleep, vows, wedding, women on August 2, 2011 at 10:57 pm

I got an e/mail from my now official “ex”.

The ex is now requesting the return of some items, despite the court order actually gives me possesion of all the items that remained in the home, unless otherwise specified.. (there were no items specified)

Amongst the requests? ..

(wait for it)

40 plastic coat hangers, all white, no colors.

I just can’t make this shit up..

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – The Ugly Brown Jacket Has Left The Building

In attorneys, Break-up, christian, civil unions, clothing, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, news, Pain, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, sex, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 21, 2011 at 5:18 pm

It’s been delivered and donated.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Let’s Not Do The Time Warp Again

In Break-up, christian, civil unions, clothing, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, Netflix, news, Pain, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, sex, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 19, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I was cleaning out the closet, and came across a few things I had bought because she wanted me to. They’re ugly.

I got to thinking about all the real annoying habits she had, and trying to dress me was one of them. Which, I found odd because she had really bad taste when it came to clothing herself. I rarely liked what she wore, but never pointed it out, and never would have to the degree she did with me.

I bought stupid crap that wasn’t me, at all, in effort to try and look pleasing for her. But I don’t really recall her ever putting forth the same effort. I used to ask if she would wear her hair down, but she often refused. Choosing instead to keep it pulled back in that awful ponytail, that usually looked like the alternative to having to take the effort to comb and style her hair.

I also thought about all the times she would pick at me on the way out the door. “Fix your hair”, “What’s that, a zit?”, “Don’t wear the red coat, I don’t like it”, “Wear the gold hoops I gave you, they look better” and so on….. and on, and on.

I’m past being angry with her for all of the things she did, but I still feel a need to finally voice how I often felt about things. Call it a verbal cleansing of the mind if you will.

I also used to detest the fact she is a slob. I can’t recall how many times I would beg her to lift a finger and clean the one room I’d asked her to help upkeep, the master bedroom bathroom. In the span of 6 months, she had cleaned the shower once. It was gross. Her constant debate was since I was home full time, I should have done it for her. What she truly wanted was a June Cleaver apron wearing 50s Stiletto wearing cake baking wife. While she wanted to take a more traditional 50s male identified role with the family.

I started to feel like I had time warped into 1954.

The ugly brown jacket faces a fate of being donated, as it serves a reminder of all the things she wanted me to be and the part of myself I had lost.

I hope wherever it ends up, it ends up in the hands of someone who actually wants it.

Good bye brown jacket.

Good bye 1954 time warp.