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Archive for the ‘vows’ Category

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Aaron

In Aaron Jamison, AP News, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Blog, Blue Like Jazz, Brother, C.S. Lewis, cancer, Cancer Sucks, children, Choose Joy, christian, Comedian, Crying, Current events, Facebook, family, Friend, God, grief, health, Husband, Jell-O, KVAL TV, Laughing stars, Love, Marriage, Monopoly, movies, Musician, Myspace, netfix, New York, news, Pain, parenting, portland oregon, relationships, religion, sleep, Steve Taylor, The Little Prince, vows, wedding, Wedding Ring, women, Writing on October 2, 2011 at 5:11 pm

My friend,

Who quickly became a brother,

Aaron died this morning.

That seems like the wrong words to say, because Aaron will never really die. Aaron will always live through this amazing legacy of love he’s created.

Through his joy, pain, love for God..

By the amazing love he always showered on his wife, and praised her so openly, always making those of us who have never known
such love from another so envious … but setting a standard.

There’s so many things I could say about my amazing friend Aaron. But all I can really say is ..

Your star still shines my friend..

You have not,

and never will..

fade.

Stars as bright as you, never fall.

Stars like you,

shine… and light the way for all who take the time to look.

Make Dad smile.

I love you,

Sis

*** I don’t know why, but this post is publishing before the post I wrote yesterday.

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My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – The Little Prince & Laughing Stars – My Friend Aaron Jamison

In Aaron Jamison, AP News, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Blog, Blue Like Jazz, Brother, C.S. Lewis, cancer, Cancer Sucks, children, Choose Joy, christian, Comedian, Crying, Current events, Facebook, family, Friend, God, grief, health, Husband, Jell-O, KVAL TV, Laughing stars, Life, Love, Marriage, Monopoly, movies, Musician, Myspace, netfix, New York, news, Pain, parenting, promises, relationships, religion, sleep, Steve Taylor, The Little Prince, Troutdale Oregon, vows, wedding, Wedding Ring, women, Writing on October 1, 2011 at 6:23 pm

My friend Aaron Jamison is nearing the end of his journey. He was admitted to the hospital yesterday, where he’ll remain for the 1-2 weeks he was given to finish his story. But his story will never end. All those who have read his life carry the words he wrote, speak and live.

If you haven’t heard of Aaron Jamison, he made national and world news in his journey.

Here’s a few links to his story (please keep in mind that he’s been given so many “expiration dates” as he calls it, he actually had the original date tattooed after it had well gone and passed, that you’ll see a few dates given)..

I wanted to share a blog I wrote sometime ago, shortly after Aaron was diagnosed. It just seems fitting to share it right now..

Originally titled “Shiny Ceiling Decorated In Love” — I’m reminded more of The Little Prince and his laughing stars..

April 15, 2009

It is Tuesday night..

I was driving home from Eugene tonight.. It is a bit of a drive, so I have a lot of time to think to myself.

I was passing the fields through Hwy99 and had some Eva Cassidy filling the air as my mind wandered through my life, trying to make some sense of it all.

I think we all from time to time ponder what it would be like if we were to pass on. Of course, my children would remember me, but would my life have made an impact on anyone else? Would the only thing my children remember of me, be that I was a dork who jumped on beds to wake them up and would laugh as I danced around the house blowing bubbles to make them laugh? Or would it be that I was angry when they tracked mud all over the carpet? …

My phone sends me a message anytime someone I am stalking online changes their status or posts things to their page on Facebook. Don’t worry, I am only stalking one person. ..

So I am driving and pondering the impact of my life, when Aaron changed
his status. It read “is sad and incredibly happy to watch the ones he loves grow and make choices as he waits to fade away. Never thought I’d face or feel the things I am lately.” Just reading that now, haunts me.

..

I proceeded to drive home, and along the way that the night sky was clear. being away from city lights, I could see the sky lit up in all its brilliance with stars that seemed to know no end. Fittingly, I had Eva Cassidy crooning Fields Of Gold into my heart, as I decided to pull over for a few moments and let my eyes drink the vision before me.. I admit I was feeling jealous of the stars who knew their place, their purpose..

Aarons words, my pondering, the words to the song.. the stars before me..

I was still.

I was amazed that God could hang every star with a purpose, with all
intent and design knowing exactly where he placed each and every one.
This really baffles me considering I lose pieces of paper in my very tiny apartment and here is this galaxy filled with stars, not a one lost but yet called by name.

I just sat there and pondered all that I was seeing, as a star fell from the sky and Aarons words haunted me. Of all the stars that will continue to shine, one fell from the sky tonight. One, fell from the sky that will no longer visibly shine. Yet it is the only star I can recall noticing, seeing, and being impacted by. So very much like Aaron, myself.. all of us.

This life is very brief, and tonight that
star fell not knowing the impact it made on the one person who watched it fall from the sky as she pondered her life. Yet, I doubt I will forget it anytime soon.

I am not sure I will ever know if I made an impact in this life to anyone else other than the children I am always joking about sending to therapy as adults. And sometimes, I am not sure of my own path as I flow from place to place wondering if I will ever belong. But I do know that whether I am to be a star that falls or one that continues to
shine visible to the naked eye, my goal will always be to shine through the life of others where eyes can not see. Even if it means I am just to be the one who calls a star by name, not the one to hang brightly.

The only thing to fade, are days. I pray the visions I write upon the hearts of others is sharpie worthy..

Love life.

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My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Awkward E/mail Exchange

In attorneys, Blog, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, coat hangers, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Facebook, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, promises, relationships, religion, school, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, Wedding Ring, women, Writing on September 16, 2011 at 6:48 am

Awkward e/mail exchange between myself and the attorney of the ex today.. I replaced names with 3 *** … I know it’s within my rights to copy what I was sent, but I feel strongly in not naming names, no matter.

I write.. (copied to ex as well)

“***,

Please inform your client that I need the new auto insurance card once she receives it. It should be arriving before Oct 1 2011.”

Attorney responds…

“It appears you have already accomplished that by copying her.

As regards your blog: Many comments concerning *** have been defamatory. If you don’t stop posting defamatory comments, you put yourself at risk of a lawsuit. I understand you are hoping to become a lawyer someday, so you may look up the elements of defamation. You may conclude that in your view everything you say is true and is, therefore, not defamatory. You would not be the first to wrongly reach that conclusion. A jury, not you, would decide. Litigation would not be an enjoyable or inexpensive experience for anyone. Also, you may also want to consider whether your posts will become fodder when you are seeking admission to the Bar. Professionalism and ethics (or lack thereof) are important criteria for admission, and constant caustic posting about an ex exhibits, at a minimum, questionable professionalism and poor ethics. I enjoy your sense of humor, and do not wish to quash your right to speak freely. But, defamatory discourse is not protected speech. Please stop. Thank you. ***”

I respond…

“***,

What sentences in my blog do you believe to be false? Please be reminded of the Oregon anti-slapp law.”

Attorney responds..

“I am not interested in spending more time discussing this with you. You have my message. What you do with it is your concern. SLAPP is inapplicable. ***”

*back to blog*

Uhm, I don’t want to be an attorney.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – 4 Months

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, blogging, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, clothing, coat hangers, court, Crying, Current events, current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, fashion, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, love, Marriage, military, movies, news, Pain, parenting, people, Politics, portland oregon, relationships, Relationships, religion, school, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on August 20, 2011 at 1:51 am

August 4th came and went. It marked a couple of dates that are significant, but I’ve been so busy living, that I totally let it slip by.

While I understand this is a good thing, proof that my life has continued just fine, I am wishing I had taken total advantage and used it to mark a celebration of sorts. However, it’s never really too late to celebrate getting rid of crap, so I have planned a purging celebration to take place. Getting rid of anything to do with her, or anything she has given me.

August 4th marked the 4th month since I had her asked to leave, but it also marked the anniversary of our first date. The date lasted 10 hours, and took place mostly walking around downtown and talking. We had spent so much time chatting, that both of us had extended past the meters and both of us received a parking ticket that afternoon, on our vehicles. I came across the ticket that I had received, I saved it just for the sentiment of it all. But that has become a part of the purge and I no longer want anything. I want no remnants of that day, anything to remind me that it even happened.

I suppose that might sound like I am trying to erase the past, and dealing with the past is far more healthier than just pretending it didn’t happen. But I am in no shortage of constant reminders that I was married to her. I guess it is like packing a bag. When you have too much to close it, you either find a way to shove it all in and zip up the bag, or you dump the excess.

I am dumping the excess.

I’ve also had her creditors calling and asking for her. She is apparently not answering their calls, so they are instead, calling me. I’ve asked them to please remove my number from their databases, so here is hoping they will.

When I met her, her credit was a mess. I worked my bum off to help get her credit cleaned up so she could buy a house. But the first time she actually decided to try and handle her bank account on her own, she managed to put it in the red. I can actually pin that to the date, because I was shocked when I saw she made a purchase that she couldn’t afford. I completely stopped helping her that day, and ever since then she has tried to pin the blame on me for the mess her life was becoming. Denial of personal used to cause so many of our problems.

It’s weird, I’ve been thinking about that… the denial thing. She could literally stand in front of me, say something or do something, then completely deny it within seconds. It was soooooo weird…. Like, the jewelry.

Since she has been gone, I have found that there was more that I wasn’t told all the details of. I would like to say I was surprised, or even completely shocked, when I found out. But I wasn’t.

I am becoming more and more thankful that I am no longer with that woman. I have seen things for what they really were (and were not) the void has been replaced with a feeling of liberation and salvation.

Which makes this song so perfect for my thoughts today.. Milli Vanilli.. A group as fake as her love was, lypsynching lyrics about putting the blame on anything other than where it should truly fall. Perfect.

http://youtu.be/rB0Le3oM1b8

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Coat Hangers. What More Can I Say?

In attorneys, Break-up, civil unions, clothing, coat hangers, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, news, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on August 6, 2011 at 12:12 am

I’ve been given some hysterical suggestions regarding the 40 white (plastic) coat hangers that my ex paid her attorney to request possession of (I’m still amused by that fact) along with a few other trivial items (a blender blade, and some silverware amongst the request)

Think about it… Attorney writing request for plastic white coat hangers and a few items vs. The Dollar Store to purchase new ones….

Hys-ter-ic-al

The following suggestions were made to me, purely for comic relief:

Return all black ones with a note that they better match her soul.

Give her all wire hangers.

Agree to return only 15 hangers, but none of the white ones. Then see how long I can drag out negotiations.

Send her 4.00.

Send 5 plastic, along with 35 wire with no hooks.

Along with these suggestions, I was sent the following photo via text from a friend. I think it would make a lovely default pic.

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My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – No Wire Hangers!

In Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, blogging, Break-up, christian, civil unions, clothing, coat hangers, court, Crying, Current events, current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, love, Marriage, movies, news, Pain, parenting, people, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, Relationships, religion, sex, single, sleep, vows, wedding, women on August 2, 2011 at 10:57 pm

I got an e/mail from my now official “ex”.

The ex is now requesting the return of some items, despite the court order actually gives me possesion of all the items that remained in the home, unless otherwise specified.. (there were no items specified)

Amongst the requests? ..

(wait for it)

40 plastic coat hangers, all white, no colors.

I just can’t make this shit up..

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – The Ugly Brown Jacket Has Left The Building

In attorneys, Break-up, christian, civil unions, clothing, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, news, Pain, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, sex, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 21, 2011 at 5:18 pm

It’s been delivered and donated.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Let’s Not Do The Time Warp Again

In Break-up, christian, civil unions, clothing, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, fashion, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, Lesbian Relationships, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, Netflix, news, Pain, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, sex, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 19, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I was cleaning out the closet, and came across a few things I had bought because she wanted me to. They’re ugly.

I got to thinking about all the real annoying habits she had, and trying to dress me was one of them. Which, I found odd because she had really bad taste when it came to clothing herself. I rarely liked what she wore, but never pointed it out, and never would have to the degree she did with me.

I bought stupid crap that wasn’t me, at all, in effort to try and look pleasing for her. But I don’t really recall her ever putting forth the same effort. I used to ask if she would wear her hair down, but she often refused. Choosing instead to keep it pulled back in that awful ponytail, that usually looked like the alternative to having to take the effort to comb and style her hair.

I also thought about all the times she would pick at me on the way out the door. “Fix your hair”, “What’s that, a zit?”, “Don’t wear the red coat, I don’t like it”, “Wear the gold hoops I gave you, they look better” and so on….. and on, and on.

I’m past being angry with her for all of the things she did, but I still feel a need to finally voice how I often felt about things. Call it a verbal cleansing of the mind if you will.

I also used to detest the fact she is a slob. I can’t recall how many times I would beg her to lift a finger and clean the one room I’d asked her to help upkeep, the master bedroom bathroom. In the span of 6 months, she had cleaned the shower once. It was gross. Her constant debate was since I was home full time, I should have done it for her. What she truly wanted was a June Cleaver apron wearing 50s Stiletto wearing cake baking wife. While she wanted to take a more traditional 50s male identified role with the family.

I started to feel like I had time warped into 1954.

The ugly brown jacket faces a fate of being donated, as it serves a reminder of all the things she wanted me to be and the part of myself I had lost.

I hope wherever it ends up, it ends up in the hands of someone who actually wants it.

Good bye brown jacket.

Good bye 1954 time warp.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – It’s Final, I’m Divorced.

In attorneys, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, law enforcement, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, netfix, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, school, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 14, 2011 at 10:53 pm

A of 3:10pm July 11, 2011 — I am officially divorced.

Free. Liberated. Restored. Single. Happy. Joyous.

I feel victorious.

She didn’t show up to court, something I was very happy about. The last thing I wanted to have to deal with, was being in the same room as her. We had come to an agreement before court, so her attorney showed up with a signed agreement. There were a few details to work out, but we figured them out and the judge was gracious enough to sign off the divorce right then and there.

I didn’t walk away with nearly the things she stripped from us restored, but I did walk away having won monthly payments for the next 12 months. She will be paying me out of the federal tax return money we received. It isn’t much, and it isn’t spousal support. But it is a payment she has to fill out once a month, and mail to me. Besides needing the help, I was hoping it would make her think before she attempts to mess up the life of another woman. Of course, I am not so ignorant to believe she will actually think before she tries to get another woman to revolve her world around her madness, but one can hope. If nothing else, that was the only thing I wanted her to take from all of this. I actually grieve for the woman that actually falls next victim to her manipulations and fabrications.

She has to pay my attorneys fees, plus her own, from the day she fired her previous attorney and chose to drag this mess out further.

I get to keep the vehicle.

I also agreed to drop the restraining order, but only if it was written in the agreement that she has to live as though there is still one in place. Meaning, stay away from me. Stay away from where I live, and not get within 150 feet of me, ever. Not to write or have others write or harass me. If she ever violates this, I will be able to file a new restraining order in court and she has agreed not to contest it. If she does, she has to pay my attorneys fees. I walked out of the courthouse with a new application for a restraining order, and you can bet if she so much as even tries to push her limits with the agreement, I will have it filled out and filed. The only reason why I agreed to drop it, was because this agreement actually gives me more protection, and more rights.

I didn’t drop it because of her job, because the responsibility isn’t mine. The moment she laid a hand on me, she put her own job in jeopardy. It isn’t my job to protect her, it is my job to protect myself and my children, and that is exactly what I did when I filed the original order.

I’d also like to say to her “friend” who feels a need to send me nasty messages. Two words; Spell Check. I sounded out a good portion of the words in your letters, and honestly I have never seen the word “entitlement” begin with the letter “o” before. It was an interesting spelling, coupled with atrocious grammar and punctuation. I am pretty sure a blind chimpanzee fluent only in an ancient language spoken in a far remote country somewhere, can compose a more well written email…. In English. That aside, I’d like to inform you that all of your emails have been forwarded to the appropriate authorities to keep a record of your harassment. It may be a little difficult for you to control your impulses to not write me, but I strongly suggest you stop. Unless you just want me to keep forwarding everything on and adding to the record.

As for me, I am sure over time I will be working through some of the residual things I am still working through. Like, being bothered she emotionally manipulated my children along with the fact she never returned the items she claimed (in writing) that she had (like, a handicapped parking placard for my children). In fact, when I think about it, she has only returned one item I asked for and yet after all the countless items I have returned, she still can’t find it within herself to return something as vital as a handicapped placard for the children. That is just what I am working with here, and a clear example of the self serving behavior I lived with for the duration of our marriage.

I am a far cry from where I was 3 months ago, and just so happy that once the smoke cleared, I could see things for what they really were.. who she is.

I am leaving this post with a photo of my divorce cake. It was a last minute purchase on the way home from court. The poor woman ran out of room for the word “divorce” but I told her it was OK. The marriage went over the edge, so it wasn’t a big deal the word divorce did. I had it written in purple, because the now official “ex-spouse” hates purple. It was a white chocolate/dark chocolate marble cake with raspberry filling.

Messy, but delicious..

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Court

In attorneys, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Edgefield McMenamins, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, kisses, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, Netflix, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, single, sleep, Troutdale Oregon, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, women on July 10, 2011 at 11:34 pm

We have a hearing tomorrow, to see if a judge can resolve this.

I guess for now that’s all I really have to say.