lesbianspaghetti

Archive for the ‘Wedding Ring’ Category

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – The Birth Control Mobile Rides Again

In blog, Cancer Sucks, Choose Joy, christian, Christmas, civil unions, coat hangers, communication, court, Crying, Current events, current events, dating, Divorce, divorce, Edgefield McMenamins, equality, Facebook, family, fast car, feelings, finances, Friend, friendship, gay, God, grief, healing, health, homosexuality, KVAL TV, Law, lesbian, lgbt, LGBTQ, love, minivan, New York, news, Pain, parenting, people, Politics, portland oregon, promises, Questions, Relationships, religion, same sex, single, sleep, stress, vehicle, vows, wedding, Wedding Ring, women, Writing on January 7, 2012 at 12:09 pm

If you’ve been reading along the past month or so, you know my ex wanted the van back because of a payment arriving one day late.

Here’s the blog link that explains what happened to the van – http://mybigfatlesbiandivorce.com/2011/10/19/my-big-fat-lesbian-divorce-the-van/

We’ve been without a vehicle (which I have always tenderly refered to as “The Birth Control Mobile”. I think with some government funding that I could be hired to do high school drive bys, with my all van windows down and all 6 children arguing over the Game Boy. I could give a reality check to some of the teens and possibly single handedly reduce teen pregnancy… OK so I doubt the government will fund this and the idea of enduring another sibling argument over a video game is a bit exhausting).

Honestly though, giving the van back worked to my advantage. She has the vehicle and I no longer have to make monthly payments on something that is breaking down. It just  makes the most financial sense for my family in the long run to be free from that previous obligation.

However, I was left without a vehicle and I was pretty scared. I was really happy to be rid of the financial obligation of that stupid van, but I was really worried about how I was going to go about the daily things I need to do, to take care of my family.

After looking around and asking people I knew about any possibile vehicles for sale, I had found a place that fixes vehicles donated and then sells them for the cost of repairs. They had one van that had extensive work done, and they were selling for 1,600.00. Clean, great condition, and an 8 seater. I haven’t been able to save up much, let alone 1,600.00, because I am still playing catch up on some bills since I asked the ex to leave, but this van seemed so perfect for my family. I’m almost on track with the finances, but not quite. I need that money tree to sprout about 2,000.00 for that to happen, but so far it’s been more of a pocket change twig.

I looked into some loans and other possibilities, but things kept falling through. I sighed a breath of relief in a way, because I really didn’t want to create more debt while I was working on getting caught up, but I was still trying to figure out how I was going to come up with the money for the van. This was/is a need. It’s not like I was out there trying to find something that was above and beyond what we need. Something to get us safely from point to point is all I was looking for, and this can fit the bill perfectly.

The garage selling the vehicle  had decided to reduce the price for me to 1,000.00 because they were really trying to help me out. 1,000.00 was still more than I had, in fact all I had was 400.00. At 1,000.00 I knew they were reducing the price to below the amount of money and time they had put into fixing the vehicle, but without the money, I still felt pretty hopless.

As things started to feel as though they were crumbling, I can’t even begin to described what happened other than love and human connection stood in the gap.

I received a message from a friend on Facebook, who wanted to know where she could send money towards the vehicle. She sent in a majority of the money I needed to purchase the vehicle, and with the 400.00 I had, I had the van paid for.

Then another friend put money towards the van, which helped pay for fuel.

Then another friend sent in money  to cover registration, and title transfer.

Then another sent in money to have both back tires and windsheild wipers replaced.

These calls jut kept coming in from the garage to tell me that my friends were calling in and putting towards the cost of the van. The woman on the other end of the phone was just so amazed and excited for us, that my friends were not only touching my life, but hers in the process as well.

The van is completely mine.

Knowing the people I have around my life, it doesn’t completely surprise me that they would step in and extend love and human connection and kindness the way they have. I simply know the most beautiful people. But it still moved me beyond belief. I was, and I still am, in complete awe of the kindness. I still look out my window just to look at the van and say a “thank you”. Even though I know it can’t be heard, I hope those who extended the kindness know it is still very much felt.

Someone gave anonymously, so I will never know to who I owe such a big thanks. But you are all truly amazing. These past months have been a journey for sure, but there are those  who have listened, cared, prayed, sent art, cards, phone calls, texts, messages, left comments, asked how we are doing, have taken me to coffee and all those things that friends do for one another. I want you all to know that I feel so loved. Not just because you extend compassion and love, but because you have been woven into my life to begin with.

Thank you soooo much

You are all truly amazing.

Advertisements

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Dear Diary

In Aaron Jamison, AP News, attorneys, Blog, Brother, cancer, Cancer Sucks, children, Choose Joy, christian, civil unions, clothing, coat hangers, communication, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, equality, Facebook, failure, family, feelings, finances, Flowers, Foolish Hearts, Friend, friendship, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, healing, health, homosexuality, Kiss, Laughing stars, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, LGBTQ, Life, Love, Marriage, military, money, movies, New York, news, Oregon, parenting, people, Politics, Portland, portland oregon, promises, Questions, Regret, relationships, religion, single, stress, The Little Prince, vehicle, vows, wedding, Wedding Ring, women, Writing on December 4, 2011 at 2:32 am

Dear Diary,

I’ve had a lot of things going on lately. It seems like life just keeps moving on, and I get so lost in living. It’s when I lay my head down at night, that I hear the sounds that my thoughts make. Sometimes it sounds like yelling, crying, grief, joy and at times it’s peace.

I had an amazing miracle recently, I want to talk about it so much. But I think I need to just write out the things that are on my mind in the very present.

It’s Christmas season. It’s been almost 8 months since I asked my ex to please leave the apt. There is a lot of healing, though my mind took me back to last year. I don’t miss her anymore, in the intimate way a partner misses their lover. In fact, I rarely miss her at all. If I am really quiet and still, I realize I actually never miss her anymore. But it’s Christmas, and I go back to last year when we were picking out our tree at the nursey up the road. Watching the boys carry it and load it into the back of her truck, so adorable.

I don’t remember if she was even home last year when we decorated the tree. I was so emotionally drained from the relationship, you know that diary. Every day was a moment to awaken, and stand against the wind. At least that is what it felt like. I was so conflicted. I wanted out of the situation, away from her.. but I grieved that I wanted it as much as I did. I wanted to want my wife.. my marriage, more.

But here it is December and we’ve put up our tree and decorated it. It was peaceful. We came across the stocking we made her. I just looked at it for a moment. It ended up in the trash. There was no grieving what I wanted my marraige to be, because now it is nothing more than a memory. It has nowhere to go. There is no reconcilliation, there is no healing the relationship.. there is no wanting to.

It’s been a year now, since my son was home on leave. A year since he showed me the growth on the back of his head. I made him promise to get it checked as soon as he got back to base. A year, so many surgeries and Doctors later……

My son is coming home for good in the early part of next year. After 6 pathologists and so many opinions, they can agree that he has had cancer. They are removing a part of growth in his thyroid in Feburary, as a precaution. He will be medically discharged. He’s been back on his base for a little bit now, as there is really nothing else to be done for him at the military medical hospy. He’s just waiting around now, for his surgery and discharge. Diary, you know how much I love my son. It’s so sad to think he has to deal with all of this.. shit. He’s such a beautiful soul. I want beautiful things to happen to him. Lots of amazing and beautiful things in the whole 130 years I want him to have.

I miss my friend Aaron. I saw him in a dream the other night. For some reason he walked out of the house with my brother, one I haven’t seen in quite some time. I have 2 biological brothers, and I haven’t seen either of them in years. I don’t know why, but my family is so separate. Aaron was a brother when I really had forgotten what it feels like to be a sister, or have someone make me feel like a sister. I wish that I had family around for the holidays, everyday. I have so much to be thankful for, my children and I make a family. Though I wish my siblings and I weren’t so disconnected.

Diary, my head is spinning with so many thoughts.

So many things.. my children, life, finances, the coming year… It’s hard to even know where to end this entry, because life keeps moving.

Perhaps I will just say Good Night.

http://youtu.be/mRnCC-wEYss

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Failure… The Other “F” Word

In Blog, Break-up, Choose Joy, christian, civil unions, communication, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, divorce, domestic, equality, Facebook, failure, family, feelings, Friend, friendship, gay, gay marriage, God, grief, health, Lesbian, lesbian, lgbt, LGBTQ, Life, Love, love, Marriage, minivan, money, movies, New York, news, Oregon, Pain, Politics, Portland, portland oregon, promises, relationships, religion, same sex, sex, single, sleep, stress, vows, wedding, Wedding Ring, women, Writing, writing on November 21, 2011 at 6:00 am

I read the blog of another WordPress writer. She’s going through a divorce from her hubby, and I relate to some of the emotions she’s working through. She’s an absolutely amazing woman and I admire her courage as she shares her story.

She asked me a question that no ones asked before, but I’ve faced quietly many times with myself.

She asked me if I felt pressure not to have my marriage fail in light of the fact that marriage equality is becoming more and more of a reality. My response was….

“Excellent question.

Yes.

I felt like I was a horrible representation of everything couples have worked so hard to achieve for years. But, it was my own crummy choice in a partner that put me there, so I had to make good choices to get out. I hope that is something anyone in a bad relationship, no matter the orientation, can see that it’s possible to emotionally survive. If you’ve loved, you’ve experienced. Grief still processes without prejudice and healing comes like a long lost friend.”

I have to say that the more I’ve thought about it, that yes… I feel like I’ve done such an injustice to the work, sacrifices and tears put into the fight to openly love and be married. I know not every relationship is going to work out, straight or gay, but I know people are watching when you’re in a partnership that’s seen as a marriage.

Politically and religiously some people are ready to pounce and shout “A HA! See? There’s no integrity in gay marriage!” and so ready to use the failures as support to endorse their beliefs that gay marriage is wrong.

Love should be allowed to be equally recognized between two loving adults, regardless of gender. But please don’t use the failure of my marriage as an example of limited possibilities of a loving marriage.

I hope that my getting out of a bad situation can be seen as a representation of what it means to make a stand to do the right thing. That may not be a lot to advance the fight for marriage equality right now, but it contributes to the advancement of me evolving more into the woman God created me to be, and that’s empowering.

Just because my marriage failed doesn’t mean it was a complete failure, I grew a lot from the experience. I walked away stronger than ever. Not all failures fail to produce something wonderful.

I’d still love to meet someone to share life with, because I still believe in love and marriage. Importantly, because through the failure of my marriage I learned I still believe in myself.

That’s pretty successful.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Aaron

In Aaron Jamison, AP News, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Blog, Blue Like Jazz, Brother, C.S. Lewis, cancer, Cancer Sucks, children, Choose Joy, christian, Comedian, Crying, Current events, Facebook, family, Friend, God, grief, health, Husband, Jell-O, KVAL TV, Laughing stars, Love, Marriage, Monopoly, movies, Musician, Myspace, netfix, New York, news, Pain, parenting, portland oregon, relationships, religion, sleep, Steve Taylor, The Little Prince, vows, wedding, Wedding Ring, women, Writing on October 2, 2011 at 5:11 pm

My friend,

Who quickly became a brother,

Aaron died this morning.

That seems like the wrong words to say, because Aaron will never really die. Aaron will always live through this amazing legacy of love he’s created.

Through his joy, pain, love for God..

By the amazing love he always showered on his wife, and praised her so openly, always making those of us who have never known
such love from another so envious … but setting a standard.

There’s so many things I could say about my amazing friend Aaron. But all I can really say is ..

Your star still shines my friend..

You have not,

and never will..

fade.

Stars as bright as you, never fall.

Stars like you,

shine… and light the way for all who take the time to look.

Make Dad smile.

I love you,

Sis

*** I don’t know why, but this post is publishing before the post I wrote yesterday.

20111002-103710.jpg

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – The Little Prince & Laughing Stars – My Friend Aaron Jamison

In Aaron Jamison, AP News, Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream Comfort, Blog, Blue Like Jazz, Brother, C.S. Lewis, cancer, Cancer Sucks, children, Choose Joy, christian, Comedian, Crying, Current events, Facebook, family, Friend, God, grief, health, Husband, Jell-O, KVAL TV, Laughing stars, Life, Love, Marriage, Monopoly, movies, Musician, Myspace, netfix, New York, news, Pain, parenting, promises, relationships, religion, sleep, Steve Taylor, The Little Prince, Troutdale Oregon, vows, wedding, Wedding Ring, women, Writing on October 1, 2011 at 6:23 pm

My friend Aaron Jamison is nearing the end of his journey. He was admitted to the hospital yesterday, where he’ll remain for the 1-2 weeks he was given to finish his story. But his story will never end. All those who have read his life carry the words he wrote, speak and live.

If you haven’t heard of Aaron Jamison, he made national and world news in his journey.

Here’s a few links to his story (please keep in mind that he’s been given so many “expiration dates” as he calls it, he actually had the original date tattooed after it had well gone and passed, that you’ll see a few dates given)..

I wanted to share a blog I wrote sometime ago, shortly after Aaron was diagnosed. It just seems fitting to share it right now..

Originally titled “Shiny Ceiling Decorated In Love” — I’m reminded more of The Little Prince and his laughing stars..

April 15, 2009

It is Tuesday night..

I was driving home from Eugene tonight.. It is a bit of a drive, so I have a lot of time to think to myself.

I was passing the fields through Hwy99 and had some Eva Cassidy filling the air as my mind wandered through my life, trying to make some sense of it all.

I think we all from time to time ponder what it would be like if we were to pass on. Of course, my children would remember me, but would my life have made an impact on anyone else? Would the only thing my children remember of me, be that I was a dork who jumped on beds to wake them up and would laugh as I danced around the house blowing bubbles to make them laugh? Or would it be that I was angry when they tracked mud all over the carpet? …

My phone sends me a message anytime someone I am stalking online changes their status or posts things to their page on Facebook. Don’t worry, I am only stalking one person. ..

So I am driving and pondering the impact of my life, when Aaron changed
his status. It read “is sad and incredibly happy to watch the ones he loves grow and make choices as he waits to fade away. Never thought I’d face or feel the things I am lately.” Just reading that now, haunts me.

..

I proceeded to drive home, and along the way that the night sky was clear. being away from city lights, I could see the sky lit up in all its brilliance with stars that seemed to know no end. Fittingly, I had Eva Cassidy crooning Fields Of Gold into my heart, as I decided to pull over for a few moments and let my eyes drink the vision before me.. I admit I was feeling jealous of the stars who knew their place, their purpose..

Aarons words, my pondering, the words to the song.. the stars before me..

I was still.

I was amazed that God could hang every star with a purpose, with all
intent and design knowing exactly where he placed each and every one.
This really baffles me considering I lose pieces of paper in my very tiny apartment and here is this galaxy filled with stars, not a one lost but yet called by name.

I just sat there and pondered all that I was seeing, as a star fell from the sky and Aarons words haunted me. Of all the stars that will continue to shine, one fell from the sky tonight. One, fell from the sky that will no longer visibly shine. Yet it is the only star I can recall noticing, seeing, and being impacted by. So very much like Aaron, myself.. all of us.

This life is very brief, and tonight that
star fell not knowing the impact it made on the one person who watched it fall from the sky as she pondered her life. Yet, I doubt I will forget it anytime soon.

I am not sure I will ever know if I made an impact in this life to anyone else other than the children I am always joking about sending to therapy as adults. And sometimes, I am not sure of my own path as I flow from place to place wondering if I will ever belong. But I do know that whether I am to be a star that falls or one that continues to
shine visible to the naked eye, my goal will always be to shine through the life of others where eyes can not see. Even if it means I am just to be the one who calls a star by name, not the one to hang brightly.

The only thing to fade, are days. I pray the visions I write upon the hearts of others is sharpie worthy..

Love life.

20111001-114145.jpg

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Awkward E/mail Exchange

In attorneys, Blog, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, coat hangers, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, domestic, Facebook, family, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, movies, news, Pain, parenting, Politics, promises, relationships, religion, school, single, sleep, Uncategorized, vows, wedding, Wedding Ring, women, Writing on September 16, 2011 at 6:48 am

Awkward e/mail exchange between myself and the attorney of the ex today.. I replaced names with 3 *** … I know it’s within my rights to copy what I was sent, but I feel strongly in not naming names, no matter.

I write.. (copied to ex as well)

“***,

Please inform your client that I need the new auto insurance card once she receives it. It should be arriving before Oct 1 2011.”

Attorney responds…

“It appears you have already accomplished that by copying her.

As regards your blog: Many comments concerning *** have been defamatory. If you don’t stop posting defamatory comments, you put yourself at risk of a lawsuit. I understand you are hoping to become a lawyer someday, so you may look up the elements of defamation. You may conclude that in your view everything you say is true and is, therefore, not defamatory. You would not be the first to wrongly reach that conclusion. A jury, not you, would decide. Litigation would not be an enjoyable or inexpensive experience for anyone. Also, you may also want to consider whether your posts will become fodder when you are seeking admission to the Bar. Professionalism and ethics (or lack thereof) are important criteria for admission, and constant caustic posting about an ex exhibits, at a minimum, questionable professionalism and poor ethics. I enjoy your sense of humor, and do not wish to quash your right to speak freely. But, defamatory discourse is not protected speech. Please stop. Thank you. ***”

I respond…

“***,

What sentences in my blog do you believe to be false? Please be reminded of the Oregon anti-slapp law.”

Attorney responds..

“I am not interested in spending more time discussing this with you. You have my message. What you do with it is your concern. SLAPP is inapplicable. ***”

*back to blog*

Uhm, I don’t want to be an attorney.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – My Wedding Ring

In Blog, Break-up, cancer, children, christian, civil unions, court, Crying, Current events, dating, Divorce, Facebook, family, fashion, gay, God, grief, health, homosexuality, Law, Lesbian, lgbt, Love, Marriage, New York, Pain, Politics, portland oregon, relationships, religion, single, Uncategorized, wedding, Wedding Ring, women on August 21, 2011 at 11:09 pm

I am now stuck with this ring, that once was supposed to signify the never ending love between my ex and myself (I almost laugh audibly as I write that).

I want to get rid of it, and I have contemplated tossing it into the ocean. Though that seems like such a waste. I mean, it is a pretty ring.

I remember when she gave it to me on our “wedding” day. We were parked in front of the fountain in Centeral Park (not the Centeral Park, but the one in my small town), almost in the same exact spot where we shared out first kiss. It seemed like such a romantic spot and the right place to exchange rings.

Who knew that spot would not only be the place I received the kiss of her romantic death, but also the ring to bind it.

I wonder if this is how Frodo felt while packing around the ring that forced him from the security The Shire and into the cold reality of The Middle Earth.