lesbianspaghetti

Posts Tagged ‘CNN’

My Big Fat Life – Jesus Take The Wheel (but let me press the gas pedal)

In Uncategorized on October 14, 2014 at 9:43 pm

Gabriel had another seizure the weekend before last. It was one of those grand mal seizures, and scared the crap out of me. This makes three now.

The second seizure he had was something called a “partial”, and it was after that the Dr ordered an EEG. The day before he had this last one he had the EEG done at the hospital he was transferred to, so the ER Dr. was able to speak to the neurologist, who spoke to someone who then spoke to the neurologist, when then spoke to he ER Dr., who then spoke to me. Yeah, I know.. confusing, isn’t it?

The initial impression they have from the EEG is the same one the neurologist spoke to me about when we met her for the first time, last week. Gabriel has Benign Rolandic Epilepsy. He may outgrow it, but the onset of it has come a bit later than usual, so it all really remains to be seen. He will stay on medications for 2 years, and they will do another EEG to see what that looks like. If it’s clear, then he will go off the medication.

From what I have read, the children don’t typically need medication, but because he has had so many in such a short amount of time, they put him on it.

So now we have answers.. more answers. It’s been a bit overwhelming at times, and I have gone back to spending time with tears. I have learned to be a heart parent this past year, and now I need to learn how to see a grand mal seizure without freaking out, but all in all I remain greatly blessed. I do wish that my Gabriel could just have a time where life wasn’t throwing something new out at him, and he could focus more on the things teens worry about instead of worrying about having something happen.

Anyways, I kinda feel like I am telling God to take the wheel, but keeping my foot on the gas pedal trying to control the speed of things where I want them to be. I know I can only do what I can, but it sure would be nice to feel I have some control in this situation where I feel helpless at times.

 

 

 

Advertisements

My Big Fat Life – Welcome Back

In Uncategorized on August 5, 2014 at 5:08 pm

As many of you know, I chose to close my blog down because of the harassment I was receiving from someone who refused to honor my requests to leave me alone, and to refused to follow the advice of law enforcement to leave me alone and *unfollow* my blog (WordPress staff thankfully stepped in and removed them from my list). Ignoring all requests, they then decided to take it a step further and try to comment on my blog with claims that were only half truths and complete falsities. It gave me more than enough to seek libel in a lawsuit against this person, but after taking some time to think about it, and speaking to an attorney, I have decided to just let this person continue with the slander and lies. I figure if I let it go long enough, they will continue with their inability to stop harassing me, and give the courts and law enforcement more than enough evidence. I move on and continue my life, and they just destroy themselves.

Thankfully the American Embassy and LE officials are aware, and have become involved as well. I received note two days ago of the progress and with the support of the Embassy and LE, in addition with WordPress, I can now open my blog and get back to sharing the things that are really important. I have disabled comments for a bit though, as to continue to sift out any comments left should it start again, so they can be forwarded to law enforcement and all of officials that are keeping note of anything that might continue.

If you find yourself in the following, please stand up and speak out. Speak to law enforcement. Seek help….

– Unsolicited attention, emails, phone calls or continued harassment from someone, I encourage you to talk to everyone who will listen. Make sure they know who the offender is, and find out your rights.

– Keep all emails and records of communications. If anything is sent to your home, make copies.

– Talk to attorneys, officials, local law enforcement. Let them know the patterns. It is vital to keep people informed, should anything happen.

– Tell your friends. It might be embarrassing, but remember you need to let people know. Show their photo to those around you, in case anyone sees the person hanging around your home, and encourage them to call the police if they see them at anytime.

– You can disable their ability to send you emails. Well, at least your ability to see them. They still might attempt to send you emails, but Yahoo won’t allow it to come into your mailbox, spam or trash folders. Keep all previous emails though, and file them.

– Anytime you ask someone to stop contacting you, and they continue to contact you or refuse to listen to LE (in this case, they were even asked by LE unfollow my blog and refused to honor those requests), it is harassment. This is against the law. People who continue to contact you after you have asked them to stop, or listen to LE, display inability to control their actions and should be considered a potential physical threat. Do not ignore this, or simply put up with it. Protect yourself.

You wouldn’t allow someone to do it someone you care about, so don’t allow someone to do it to you.

Stand up, and stand strong.

Much love,

Me

 

 

My Big Fat Life – Last Pill

In Uncategorized on June 12, 2014 at 1:07 pm

June 11th was supposed to be the last day of prednisone, but apparently I counted the days wrong, and it was this morning. This day has been a dreaded coming.

When I was putting his pills in his medication dispenser a few days a go, I started tearing up. The forced reality that this is it, really hit me. This is the last time the Doctors are putting Gabriel on prednisone as a treatment for his condition, and we are cautiously hoping the colchicine works.

Tomorrow marks the last day of school for him and his brothers, so I’m pushing the homework to get the boys finished. It’s been a really stressful week around here preparing for the end of school, and the end of Gabriel’s prednisone treatment. I am looking forward to school being over for a few months while we get Gabriel’s health sorted out. I was really hoping to do something fun for the kids after school released, but I have no clue what I can do that will keep us close to home just in case Gabriel gets sick again. I also need to start looking at the fact that I need to move. The boys and I have been cramped in this stupid apartment that the ex and I moved into as transitional housing until a home was purchased for us to live in, but we have outgrown it and honestly I would love to have a washer and dryer of my own, instead of using the laundry room. The money I am spending to live here and pay to do laundry, isn’t really putting my money to work to help a single parent who needs every penny possible, to feed 4 boys. If you are reading this and know of available housing, please feel free to email me. You can reach me at lesbian_spaghetti@yahoo.com.

So here we are, and here we go…

#FeelsLikeAWeekOfMonday

(Gabriel on the morning of surgery 8/8/2013 and 5/2014. Less than a year difference and you can see how prednisone and this illness has taken it’s toll)

Image

 

My Big Fat Life – What Are You Staring At?

In Uncategorized on June 2, 2014 at 8:20 pm

I used to get really offended when kids would stare at Gabriel when we are out in public. You see, because of the prednisone doses, Gabriel has been dealing with a suppressed immune system. Because of this, when we go out I make him wear medical masks to reduce his chances of walking into a cloud of droplets when kids (or adults) cough and sneeze, and fail to cover it up. This isn’t a hard concept to learn, yet I see people fail to do this all of the time.

Lately I have come to the conclusion that kids are just going to gawk at my child no matter what, and it’s not a reflection of crappy parenting, kids are just naturally curious and lack the politically correct barriers we enforce on everyone else around us. What I haven’t come to accept yet, are the adults that not only gawk, but I have seen whisper and then giggle while looking at my son. This isn’t even a politically incorrect response, it’s just a social douche move. I can handle the kids gawking, but the adults who lack any social grace just annoy the heck out of me. I’ve started just looking right at them, and informing them that my son isn’t contagious, I am protecting him from people. Yes, maybe a snarky response, since I am also giving them the “people like you” look when I say it, but really.. what the heck?

As if my son doesn’t already feel weird about the weight gain from the prednisone, he now has to deal with wearing a mask which further singles him out, just so he can have some sense of normalcy in his life, by getting to go out and do things. Add the fact that kids and adults (who should know better) stare, and it’s not exactly the most amazing experience to go out in public anymore.

I thought I would share a thought that may help with the social experience if you ever find yourself in the space that you are staring in curiosity, that would not only remove any idea that you may be one of those people who lack any social swag, but would also make the person on the receiving end of your stare, maybe a bit more happy. It’s really easy.

Smile.

Yes, just smile. No, not one of those douche snark ew-what’s-wrong-with-you smiles, but just a nice kind smile. If you find yourself staring at the guy in the wheelchair, or he kid with a medical mask on, and they see you.. smile. Make it look like a moment you are offering a moment human connection, and just smile. I would much rather you smile at my child than give him on of those expressionless stares, and whispering giggles. Okay, so you are probably stating and wondering what is going on, or maybe you are thinking to yourself some expression of sadness for whatever it is that ails a person to be in that position to begin with. Whatever it is that is going through your mind, just please find a way to offer up a genuine and kind smile. A kind, generous and often welcome response to whatever it is you are thinking can make all the difference to the person of your curiosity.

As for your children, it’s okay. Maybe not to other moms, I can’t speak for them, but I can speak for myself. Just perhaps if you notice your child staring, use that moment to teach your child to smile in response to making eye contact with other people. When you get to your car, share with them that sometimes people look different and that is okay, and a smile is an appropriate and polite way to quietly greet others. Can you imagine the way we could change the way we interact with others by simply teaching our children, and ourselves, to smile at other people?

That would be a wonderful thing.

Last night Gabriel had some pain, and it bothered him up most of the night. It was in his shoulder, which is one of the symptoms that we typically deal with when fluid starts to build up around his heart. Thankfully it is now 8 in the evening and it never progressed, so I am relax a bit with the hopes it was just a random ache or pain.

Since today is Monday, that means another taper of the prednisone and it being the 2nd of the month, it means this is the start of his very last taper. I always find myself riding the wave of anxiety when the time draws closer for him to go off of the security of the prednisone, but this time we have that little purple pill on board (colchicine), and so I am trying to let the cautious hope ease the crop in that wave, just a bit. I’m not really doing such a great job of it, but after months of having been in this place before, I am learning some coping skills. One is that I am shutting down emotionally from those around me, but I am not shutting people out. In the past, I just went into emotional survival mode and shut everyone out, with all of my energy focused on trying to ride the wave without falling off and belly flopping into my metaphoric ocean of anxiety. Now, I am still in that place, but I am learning to ask for a hand from those I trust will help catch me. I’m still not 100% with this skill, but I am getting better.

I still don’t have a lot to give out to those around me during this stage of the process, and I am learning to be okay with that. I used to put a lot of expectation on myself to meet the expectations of those around me, even in my stress, but that would just weigh even heavier on me, and honestly I can’t do it. I am learning to identify the difference of the expectations of others put on me, those I put on myself, and the reality of what I should take on at any given moment. That might sound like a big lesson, but really I am just living it one moment at a time.

Now if we could just live human connection, one smile at a time…….

(Gabriel at the grocery store. As my daughter, Sarah, recently acknowledged on a recent shopping trip.. no, I don’t mess around with the cereal)

Gabriel Shopping

 

 

My Big Fat Life – It Came In On a Dark Horse Comic

In Uncategorized on May 7, 2014 at 4:27 pm

Gabriel, he started a new taper to his prednisone yesterday (the Dr. had him do it a day late, since we typically do it on a Monday) and he is holding on this dose until he sees the Dr. again on the 12th. Other than some random pains that haven’t amounted to anything, he seems to be tolerating the taper pretty well, though the taper has never been the problem. It’s when he goes off the prednisone completely, that we seem to run into trouble.

This first week of May was pretty busy. On the 1rst, Dark Horse Comics made a special allowance, and invited Gabriel into their offices for a private tour. He and his brothers got to sit at the conference table, where some pretty cool things happen in the world of graphic novels and comic books. They were given a demonstration on how the art comes to life, and given some of the coolest goodie bags afterwards. Right before they left the conference room though, Aub (PR guy) let Gabriel keep a copy of the graphic R.I.P.D. which was displayed on the wall of the conference room. Since this is one of Gabriel’s favorite movies, he was pretty stoked. I hadn’t heard him let out a victory whoop like that, in months. Aub was pretty much my personal hero that day.

I don’t typically post things I have written prior to posting, because everything I post is something I am writing I the moment. However, I wanted to share something I wrote on April 30th, knowing that May is going to be the month we most likely find out if the Colchicine works. As the time draws closer, I panic a little more and try to find the good in all I can, in the moment.

April 30th 2014
It’s 2:38am. I’m exhausted, and quite possibly too tired to sleep. I’m sitting on my kitchen table, with the patio door open, and listening to the wind gently blow against the leaves like a perfectly written symphony. Boys and dog sleeping, the faint lights of planes as they fly over, and me. Just me. It was just me and a spoonful of whipped cream, but that’s done, and now it’s just me and a naked spoon. If I believed time could give hugs, this is what I imagine it would feel like. If I believed time could kick ass, April is what I imgine it would it bruise like. But if time truly does heal, then the future is what I hope it looks like. #Peace #Hope #BuyMoreWhippedCreamLaterToday

One week down.

(Gabriel sitting at the conference table at Dark Horse Comics 5/1/2014)

Dark Horse

 

 

 

 

 

My Big Fat Pajama Pant Life – #hashtagpajamapants

In Uncategorized on January 31, 2014 at 6:05 pm

I am probably like every other Mom in the history of Moms. I sometimes feel overwhelmed, over extended, tired, and I don’t always manage to get the dishes done at the end of the day. Yes, I have to wake up and wash bowls in the morning sometimes. Just a word of advice, if you can teach your children to rinse out their dishes after they are done eating then you will have eliminated at least …oh.. 10,000 steps (give or take a few) of removing whatever food that has seemed to morph and evolve into a food based super glue.

I can’t recall if I have written about this (I could go back and look, but I am sitting here in my pajamas so let that serve as an indication of just how busy I have been), but I have pulled all of my children from their school. Now let me explain before you finish mouthing the words “Is she crazy?”. When I moved up here, the school district was awful. I had to hire an attorney to help me get the services three of my children need. If you have ever sat in on an IEP, you know just how difficult they are. What the district put me through during that time I had to advocate for the children was a huge contribution to my stress moving up here, and ultimately the dumping ground was my marriage. As if that disaster needed one more ingredient for failure. The attorney helped the district and I come to an agreement that they promised to abide by, and didn’t. The state of Oregon recently found them in violation and ordered changes. While this is good for those who still have children in the school, for me it didn’t come in time. Shortly after filing my complaint with the state, they pulled his aide from his IEP (without notifying me of their intent of this change, or to even discuss this at the IEP) and put me in a place that would have forced me to send my child to school, knowing he could wander off at any time or be put in a position where he couldn’t advocate for himself.

No.

Combine all of their antics, which were really stressing me out,  and the only solution was to pull them from the school. They are now enrolled in public schooling, it is just all online. I don’t have to provide or design the lessons; I just have to implement them. It isn’t the easiest system to learn, but I am putting the work into it on the premise that if I can remove the constant stress that the school district has been a source of, I can focus all of that energy to help the boys actually be in a place where they can learn. I see a lot of ice cream in my future.

Things are still in a really difficult place with Gabriel. He is on the prednisone still, which means he hasn’t had any inflammation. They are tapering him off the medications though, and so the real test comes when he is off of it completely. I hope more than anything his heart has had time to heal and in the month coming, when he has tapered off completely, he is in a really good place with his health. I still cry a lot and watch him sleep, while begging God to please heal my son. It is in those moments I don’t know if God even hears me, because it is in those moments I feel the most lost and desperate. It’s funny how that works. You would think when we need a life vest the most we would feel the most secure in a God we are told hears us. Yet, it’s at that moment of feeling like we are losing our reserve and cant tread water anymore, that we feel the most unheard. Ever notice how people seem to feel the most on top of their spiritual game, is when everything in their life seems to be going right? It seems when things are gong right in our life, we use it as a measure to determine our relationships in our life. When things are good, things are good. When things are falling apart around us, surely nothing else is right and must be fixed. It’s like.. emotional hysteria.

I will be the first to acknowledge that I have had my share of dragons to slay in my life. It hasn’t always been an easy journey, and there are times I look back and wonder how I managed, when I can’t even find a matching pair of socks to slip on my feet before I leave the house current day. I know how far I have come. I am reminded of how I survived, just remembering I am my Mothers daughter. I am reminded just by looking back at an earlier entry in this blog. I’ve had my share of tears, and I have had my share of joys. There will always be those seasons, mine just seems to be that sub season between winter and spring.. “raining cats, dogs, and the kitchen sink”. I guess where I am going with this is that I am trying. I am trying to hold to whatever hope I can that things are going to get better. Some days are harder than others when I reach out for a life jacket and only seem to grab a hold of more challenges, but I am sure trying to believe that things will get better. I am determined.

I have given up mascara though.

My Big Fat Life – Roar

In Uncategorized on December 29, 2013 at 12:34 am

Life changes when your child is sick. It really changes a lot. Last June I was driving in my van, listening to the radio and feeling pretty good about life. I remember that day specifically, because it was the last day I was truly genuinely at peace. I remember thinking to myself “My kids are good, I have a relationship with someone I adore, school is good.. life is good.” I felt a true peace in my life. I truly thought I was on a good path to things finally settling down in my life. Today, my life couldn’t be further from that moment.

It does not escape me that I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. While ill, my son is still facing all of this with such a courageous spirit and he is here to hold. All of my children spent Christmas with me, my oldest son is home from the military and his health is well. There is a lot to be thankful for. However, extended relationships in my life seem to be struggling as I learn to adjust the changes in my life. It’s not easy. Every day seems to bring a new change, and I am not always sure how to carry it. Uncertainty is not something I do well with, yet it is something I have had a lot of thrown at me. You would think I could catch it like a football and run for the touchdown, yet I stand there with the damn thing, in center field and brace myself for the tackle. While I am not literally being tackled by a group of men in tights, if this is what it feels like, then keep the game of football to the NFL.

Today I spent a little time looking for a song that expresses how I am feeling.  I found nothing. I can’t be the only person on the face of this earth that feels like they are pulling out all the stops to keep their shit together standing strong while a bazillion tears fall. Yet that doesn’t even begin to embrace the scope of what I am feeling right now. I am feeling scared, strong, tired, ready to catch the ball and terrified as it comes barreling at me. Cripes, am I an Alanis song? Alanis is pretty cool, but right now I would love to channel my inner Katy perry lyrics (side note, I am adding to see her in concert from the floor, on to my life list. I seriously have found her lyrics seem to resonate with me this past year).

Roar.

One always hopes that people will stand by you and change with you, as the changes come. It doesn’t always happen though. Those who knew you before the event that changes you, expect you will somehow continue being the same person despite the events that took place, and those who meet you after just think you cry way too much. On the inside, I am the same person, but yet I am not the same woman at all. Things I never thought of before, now take a whole new priority. That five minutes I have free, are a treasure. If I happen to spend them talking to you, I would hope you realize you are special to me if I share that time with you. Yet I also know five minutes to other outside of my house, seems like a drop in a very large bucket. Sure, it’s not a Hallmark card, but to me it is the biggest and it means a lot. I don’t have the time to do a lot of the things I did before. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to, it just means that at this time there are other things I need to focus on. I can’t explain that enough. Yet I know that to even try to explain it feels so empty. I just don’t think people ‘get it’ until they have been there. Forbid anyone should be there.

If you have people who stand by you, and support you regardless of the changes, count your blessings. It’s not an easy place to stand for me, and I know it isn’t for them as they watch me cry and listen to me talk it out when I need an ear. But if you have it, count your blessings. It’s during these times you come to realize who stands with you, who demands from you, and who just quietly reaches out and takes your hand without reservation or expectation. It’s not an easy revelation during an already stressful time in your life… in my life. I am learning though, and most importantly I am learning that I am much stronger than I usually give myself credit for and no matter the football thrown at me, tackled or not, I am going to at least give it my best to run for a touchdown. Either people in the stands will cheer me on, stand up and walk out of the stadium or be a cheerleader on the field. Either way it won’t change the fact I still need to run towards my goal with the ball thrown at me, and do it with the most energy and courage.

I only pray if men in tights ever really do chase me in the literal, I am on the set of a Mel Brooks film.

Anything else would just be awkward.

Really awkward.

My Big Fat Life – Thank You To The Zac Brown Band

In Uncategorized on December 20, 2013 at 1:05 am

Zac Brown Band,

Thank you. Today you extended an act of generosity that is much bigger than I think you can begin to realize. You made a difference. Here… Let me share what my son wrote on his Facebook this evening.

I have no words right now… I requested a small scholarship last year to request a new guitar from the Wounded Warrior Battalion to try and get a better quality guitar to play on for when I was finally back home, and after it being over a year I had sort of given up on it. Today, about 5 minutes before I Was leaving the house, my Dad knocked on the door and said I had a visitor, so I stepped into the hallway to see that I was actually looking at a Sgt I knew at the bn there. He was holding not 1, but 2 guitars, both he said was from the Zac Brown Band. One is an Ltd XTone 1 piece electric/acoustic that had been used at a concert and signed by the band members, and the other a brand new unused standard Gibson Les Paul electric guitar. The band members also want to try and meet me when they come out this way next. I still don’t even know what to say, but the fact that they received the essay I had to submit with the request for the charity organization I thought I was submitting to turned out to be a huge plan that had to have taken so many logistics and planning that I couldn’t even imagine. Thank you so much to those involved in the process and for making what I thought a dead hope become something more special than I thought.”

My son used to play the trumpet until the surgery left so much nerve damage that he can no longer play without pain. For such a musically gifted young man, I can not begin to imagine how that has changed his life. Music has always been such a big part of his life. But today you did something that will live on in his heart and the hearts of the people who love him. Thank you for that. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Someday I hope I can give you a hug and say those words to your face, but until then just know that tonight there is a young man who is so beyond moved and people who are giving you a high five for being just so damn kind.

Sincerely, A Mom

Image

My Big Fat Life – Here We Go Again

In Uncategorized on December 1, 2013 at 11:02 am

One of the few things people know about me, is that I have to listen to R&B when I write. I have never been able to figure it out, but as I sit here I have Toni Braxton blaring into my ears. I have to say she makes me feel I have my groove this morning, and I can tackle just about anything. Perhaps that is the connection.

Gabriel is sick again.

 

He was off the steroids and seemed to do really well for a couple of weeks, and then he started getting sick again. I knew the signs, and as soon as I saw them I took him back to the cardiologist. Long story short, he was dismissive and told me that Gabriel probably just had muscle cramps. I had seen this four times already in Gabriel. He starts to hurt, and within 3 days he starts to run a fever. We saw the doctor on the third day in, and later that evening the fevers started. Finally his pediatrician ordered blood work and sure enough his lab results showed he had high numbers indicating inflammation. I would not give up taking him in to be seen until someone listened to me. I find it really annoying when you are a parent, and you are dismissed when it comes to your children. We are the parents, we know out children. I also know Gabriel never felt like this until he had the surgery. I have no idea why, but every time he starts to get sick now, he gets this pain in his right shoulder blade. Before you know it, it moves around and the fevers start. Soo when the cardiologist told me that it was just muscle cramping (and I didn’t know what I was talking about) that just made me push that much harder. In defense of Gabriels cardiologist, it wasn’t his typical doctor. He was on holiday, and so this was a doctor that was filling in. 

The pediatrician put Gabriel back on a high does of steroids, and by the next day my son was up and dancing around in the kitchen. It was nice to see him feeling better. When his cardiologist came back from holiday, we went in to see him and talk about a game plan here. Gabriel can’t live on steroids the rest of his life, and so I wanted some answers. He decided that adding the care of a rheummetoligist might help, since they deal with inflammation of the heart sac, which is where everyone seems to think this is where the inflammation is taking place.

We were so late for our appointment. I was trying to get out the door and the key broke off in the lock on the way out the door. Then finally on the road we were stuck in traffic 4 lanes wide, and backed up for over an hour. By the time we got there, we were already so late. Before we left, the dog sneezed on my tea. It was probably a dog curse.

The doctor was really nice in a quirky sorta way. I saw the potential for the God complex that I have over the years when working with specialists, but he seemed genuinely interested in wanting to help as much as he could. It wasn’t so reassuring when he told me that he had only seen one other child post op who presented with heart inflammation, and that child responded first treatment. We are Gabriels 4th. He told me that all the people he sees with heart sac inflammation are not post op, so not related to a surgical procedure, and some of those people have to have the sac removed from their heart in order to make it stop. I already knew that was a resolution for some of the cases, but I have been really keeping that to myself. I still don’t like speaking that out loud, because I refuse to even go there in my mind yet.

So we left with yet another round of extensive steroid treatment. On Friday I spoke with the cardiologist again and he told me that Gabriel is stubborn in healing, and he is hoping that another treatment, with a very slow taper, will give more time for his heart to heal from the surgery and hopefully by the time he is off of it, he will be just fine. He said healing in total really takes up to 6 months. I asked him about what the other doctor said, and I talked about my concerns that maybe the inflammation could be from somewhere else in his body, related to the surgery. I asked him at what point we could have a cat scan and heck things out. He told me that if Gabriel doesn’t respond to treatment this time, that he will do a cat scan. While right now we have no answers, and I am riding this wave of emotional of worry, I feel good that we have a plan. The cardiologist also assured me that they will now listen to me next time, and when I come in knowing my son is ill, they will be sure to not be so quick to dismiss it. This is a good thing, because watching my son in pain until they decide to take action, is just wrenching.

Gabriel is starting to feel weary from the constant ups and downs of feeling like shit. He told me the other day that he feels like he missed out on his whole summer and having fun. I feel awful for him, because I know he is right, he has. He wants to go have fun so badly, all of the boys do. I try to think of things we can do, but I also have to be careful not to take Gabriel into some major crowded areas where everyone and their dog are coughing. I really feel for the kid. He needs to have some serious fun. I’ve got to some up with ideas.

In other news, I filed a complaint with the Department of Education in regards to removing my other sons aide from his IEP. You would think this IEP team has better things to do, than try and bully a Mom who has other things going on, but I am starting to feel like they are taking advantage of fact that I have my head wrapped around other things at the time. Which, I must admit, just pisses me off more. When I am stressed out, or I am faced with something, I tend to fight that much harder to push through it all. Defeat is not in my vocabulary. If things don’t work the way I believe, then I simply feel that maybe that is divine intervention leading me another way for whatever reason, but I do not back down to advocating for those I love and doing what I believe is right.

That all being said, I must also confess I would seriously love a hug right now. Less telling me how strong I am, and more hugs are absolutely in order. I could go on some wave of how difficult this can be at times, but I am pretty sure you have figured that out already.

Someday I will wear mascara again. I believe this.

 

 

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce – Gabriels Heart

In Uncategorized on July 21, 2013 at 8:32 pm

The blog posted before I was finished writing. Apologies for the resend, but this the complete entry. It was a premature enter button push.

My Big Fat Lesbian Divorce (and other tales of a former lesbian)

It’s really freaking hard to think that it has been almost a month.

So, here is the run down on where things are.

August of 2000 I gave birth to a wonderful boy. In fact, two of them. I had twins. Only, mid way through my pregnancy (at 20 weeks) I was told I was going to have twins, yet one wasn’t alive. They were in fact, conjoined. When I tell people, they want to know how the boys were conjoined, and usually think of what is full conjoined twins or most commonly known as Siamese Twins. The boys were conjoined, but by one long umbilical cord. The cord made a stop off in the placenta, but kept flowing to the other baby. It is called T.R.A.P Syndrome. Gabriels heart worked for both babies.

When I was told, I was devastated. I grieved the loss of one child, though I…

View original post 1,568 more words