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Posts Tagged ‘sleep’

My Big Fat Life – Snow & Sleep

In Uncategorized on February 7, 2014 at 4:42 am

It’s really quiet outside tonight. It’s been snowing a good part of the day, and it’s perfectly still out. I glanced out the window just a few moments ago, and the ground is perfect. I can see the places people have walked, and all of the places that remain untouched. It’s really the only time I like snow, in the middle of the night. But this year it means a lot more to me. Gabriel loves snow. He’s been wanting it to snow more than anyone I know. He’s missed so much this past 6 months, that to see the snow come down wasn’t really that bad this year. In fact, it’s a blessing.

It’s 4:26am and I can’t sleep. Part of it I am sure is because it’s so nice and quiet in the apartment and I am enjoying some time to myself. The other part is I have things stirring in my heart, and sleep is that elusive strand of hair that keeps tickling your face but you can never seem to grasp when you’re trying to sweep it from your face, but you can catch a glimpse iof it there teasing you out of the corner of your eye.

Gabriel is on is last taper of the prenisone right now. He has 2 weeks of this dose, and then he stops. He’s been on this run for the past few months, and it’s kept the inflammation at bay, while his heart heals more. It’s scary to think that he may go off of the medication and we will jump back to square one, but then I am hopeful that his heart has had enough time to heal properly and he won’t need to go back on the medication. This is the stage that I feel my spirit slowly rising to prepare for that crisis mode that keeps me prepared for those middle of the night ER visits, and I find it harder to sleep. I love that kid so much, and he’s been through so much, that I wish my wishes alone could fix this all for him, right now. I wish I could whip out the magical Snoopy Band-Aide and fix it. If.. if.. if..

But here I am, now 4:38am and I just sitting here behind a computer screen, as he sleeps, and I am thankful for the snow that he loves so much, and I am thankful that here in this moment he is okay.

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My Big Fat Lesbian Life -The Divine Comedy AKA The Marriage Bed

In Uncategorized on April 27, 2013 at 5:51 pm

This past April, marked 2 years since I got rid of the ex. I was able to just recently get rid of her bed. If I had replaced it already, I would be jumping up and down on it, but I haven’t yet. When I do, I will. A lot.

If you’ve read along, you know that the bed has been a source of contention for me. It’s not like any great sex took place between her and I on the thing. Had she not been there, I am sure the sex would have been perfect. However, she was and coupled with the fact I spent more than my share of nights falling asleep crying, it came to represent all things awful.

It feels so good to not have to share space with her anymore. So very, very good.

I haven’t had the ability to tear the bed down again, so it stayed in the room I used to not get laid in share, with my ex wife. I tried to sleep in it, only to have horrible nightmares. Which just solidified my belief that it was the fabric equivalent to The Divine Comedy.

Before the bed was taken apart, I snapped some pics and planned to sell the bed frame. I quickly made the listing on Craigslist and waited. It wasn’t long before I actually got a serious offer, and decided to meet the woman who was so graciously offering me money to remove something so ghastly, from my home. We loaded the frame into the van, met her at a store, loaded the bed into her truck, and in all honesty I just couldn’t take her money. I don’t believe in talking about giving, I think it is nothing more than showing how awesome you want everyone to think you are, but there is a story here. I gave it to her. I just felt moved by the spirit that she needed the bed frame, and in all honesty, she was doing me a favor by taking it.

The mattress was set outside the dumpster area. I didn’t even bother trying to list it, because most people wouldn’t take a used mattress. So it was set out there, and then it was gone within hours. As we were walking across the parking lot, one of the neighbors made mention that she just found the most awesome mattress outside, and swapped it out for her worn out one.

What was a horrible ghost to me, was let go at the perfect time for someone else. I love it when things like that happen.