My Big Fat Life – Bear

I wanted to take a moment and explain the red bear that often appears in the photos of G.

As many already know, G had an identical twin bother. When I was 20 weeks pregnant it was discovered through ultrasound that I had twins. During that ultrasound, they also told me that the twin was not alive, though they were essentially connected by one umbilical cord and G’s heart worked for both of them. I carried his twin to term with G, since they were in their own sacs. After birth G was in the NICU but was released after 10 days later with a clean bill of health, according to the doctors. Of course, we would find out that wasn’t the case.

A couple of years ago G was really having a hard time sleeping. I took him to the doctor and after recommendations, I tried melatonin and a sleeping aide. Nothing seemed to work. He really struggled to fall asleep, and stay asleep. One day I was looking for some things, and came across the baby box. The box holds photos, and things from his funeral, that I have kept. Dried flowers, the program, and things like that. I had brought the box out and shared it with G for the first time. When we went through the box, he came across the red bear. I had bought the bear originally, as a Christmas ornament to hang on the tree, in a way to keep his twin with us. G asked if he could have the bear, and of course I said yes. I kid you not, that night G slept through the night, as the Bear sat on his bed. Ever since, G has never struggled with insomnia, the way he struggled with it prior. Now the Bear follows when comfort is needed. G has told me that in a way it helps him feel like his twin is close by, and that somehow gives him a sense of comfort. I am very thankful for that bear, and the connection to his twin that it brings for G. Anything that gives G a sense of comfort, especially now, rocks my world. I love that bear.

I will share more about bear another time, but for tonight I just wanted to write about the bear.

(G with Bear in ICU shortly after his open heart surgery, 8/8/2013)