lesbianspaghetti

My Big Fat Life – Isaac Bear

In Uncategorized on April 19, 2014 at 10:29 pm

I wanted to take a moment and explain the red bear that often appears in the photos of Gabriel. The bear is Isaac Bear.

As many already know, Gabriel had an identical twin bother, Isaac. When I was 20 weeks pregnant, it was discovered through ultrasound that I had twins. During that ultrasound, they also told me that Isaac was not alive, though they were essentially connected by one umbilical cord and Gabriel’s heart worked for both of them. I carried Isaac to term with Gabriel, since they were in their own sacs. After birth, Gabriel was in the NICU but was released after 10 days later, with a clean bill of health, according to the doctors. Of course, we would find out that wasn’t the case, after all.

A couple of years ago, Gabriel was really having a hard time sleeping. I took him to the doctor and after recommendations, I tried melatonin and a sleeping aide. Nothing seemed to work. He really struggled to fall asleep, and stay asleep. One day I was looking for some things, and came across Isaacs box. The box holds photos, and things from his funeral, that I have kept. Dried flowers, the program, and things like that. I had brought the box out and shared it with Gabriel for the first time. When we went through the box, he came across the red bear. I had bought the bear originally, as a Christmas ornament to hang on the tree, in a way to keep Isaac with us. Gabriel asked if he could have the bear, and of course I said yes. I kid you not, that night Gabriel slept through the night, as Isaac Bear sat on his bed. Ever since, Gabriel has never struggled with insomnia, the way he struggled with it prior. Now Isaac Bear follows when comfort is needed. Gabriel has told me that in a way it helps him feel like his twin is close by, and that somehow gives him a sense of comfort. I am very thankful for that bear, and the connection to Isaac that it brings for Gabriel. Anything that gives Gabriel a sense of comfort, especially now, rocks my world. I love that bear.

I will share more about Isaac another time, but for tonight I just wanted to write about the bear.

(Gabriel with Isaac Bear in ICU shortly after his open heart surgery, 8/8/2013)

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  1. What a beautiful story and great picture!

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